How to differentiate between well-wishers and haters

well-wishers and haters

A hater is someone who will go out of their way to make your life difficult, will have a general feeling of negativity towards you and act in a manner that is likely to make you unhappy. They may do it publicly or in secret by trying to turn your loved ones against you or stopping them from supporting you, liking you or helping you in any way.

It’s important to be able to recognise when someone is trying to give you negativity and not just share their opinion. Haters are typically people who are insecure in their own lives and find joy in criticising others to feel better about their own lives and situation.

On the other hand, Well-wishers are people who will have a general feeling of positivity towards you and show signs that they are looking out for your happiness. They can also provide support for your goals and encourage you to do better by helping make your life better in any way that they can.

This type of people are not influenceable and will not change their minds about how much they love you or about if they should support you, regardless of how much other people try to stop them.

Many of us have had to deal with someone in our lives who was not a true well-wisher. They may be negative and try to undermine our confidence. That’s why it’s important to recognise one before you can decide what to do next!

Test your friends or loved ones:

One easy way of finding out who you’re dealing with, is by pretending that you need help with something. Try to insinuate that the type of help that you need may cost a little to your friend or loved one that you’re testing, but that it will contribute to making your life a lot better. This could be financial support to start a business that you convince them will succeed endlessly and change your life.

Or, it could be a small loan that will be not too much for them but say it will help you buy your dream house for example, if you add it on your savings. In brief, the type of help needed should symbolise a “little push: from them but that will make a great difference in your life. If they refuse or invent excuses then open your eyes and pay attention to their actions!

Find something that they can help you with and that you say will either; affect your financial situation greatly on the long-term or your lifestyle or just something that will benefit you so much and that will still NOT cost them a leg.

If you find the person ready and offering first that they give you the necessary help then you know that they’re your well-wishers. If on the other hand, your friends or loved ones are the type to hide and pretend being busy or avoid you whenever you need a favour or help.

If they create excuses as to why they cannot help you at this time or if they ask too many questions and even try to put you down and make you give up on whatever it is you’re pretending to plan on doing then you may have just caught a little hater. And, be very aware as these may be “snakes in the grass”. Check out our articles on how to cut toxic people out of your life.

When the test fails:

It is important though to note that if the person you’re testing is notorious for being a cheapskate and refuses to help you in a financial way or if they’re not well-off themselves or do not like giving or receiving loans, then your test may not prove anything.

It may be that they truly care for you and are just too cheap or greedy to offer money or something financial, which is understandable to some extent. People have worse flaws than this and you should be able to have compassion and understand others’ weak spots.

If on the other hand the type of help you pretended to need is NOT financial, but you still made it clear that it could help change your life to the best and if it’s something they’re capable of doing but just didn’t offer or refused, then be very careful! These people may be praying and wishing that you don’t find the help that they refused to give elsewhere.

They are scared that you will continue in your quest for success or reach your goals because they’d rather see you suffer and these, my friend, may be your secret enemies or haters indeed. This is why it’s always better not to make your test about something financial, try making it about their time or other things depending on your relationship.

Signs to spot a true well-wisher:

-They understand your struggle and make it their mission to help you get to it.

-They listen, without judgement, blame or accusations. They don’t try to fix what’s wrong with you; they just care for you and want to provide an ear when you need support.

-They help put your mind at ease, providing positive vibes and a sense of peace that can often be missing in your life.

-They create a concrete plan for you to get out of a miserable situation rather then say that it will change “some day” or try to implement laziness in you and the acceptance of “your fate”.

-Act according to what makes you feel comfortable and happy, without trying to change your mind or opinions.

-You feel safe and protected after talking to them.

-You feel energised, motivated, and hopeful because of them.

-You feel happy and lighthearted in their presence.

Signs of dealing with a hater:

-You have a lack of self-confidence around them or because of them.

-You feel that they may be jealous or envious of the smallest things you have.

-They smile at your face but throw digs at you when in groups and undermine your work and efforts in a jokingly way.

-They want to isolate you from other people.

-Getting angry when others succeed where they failed in the past (no matter how small).

-Try to talk bad about you in your absence to make people see your flaws and dislike you.

-Tries stopping others from helping you by making them believe that not helping you is for your own good somehow.

-Displays negative emotions towards you not because of anything specific that happened between the two of you.

-Seems reluctant to talk about anything other than an issue you are having, because it secretly make them feel good to hear that you’re struggling or suffering.

-Try to distract you or discourage you from finding solutions for your problems that you say you’re having in order to keep you miserable.

-Uses passive-aggressive methods such as sarcasm, eye-rolling, and ignoring your questions.

-They believe that they are superior in every way and everyone else is inferior.

-They envy others, which causes them great pain and leads to resentment towards others.

Bottom line:

The haters are those who are either jealous or envy of you for your success. They will think about how they can belittle you because they don’t have what you have or how they can make life difficult for you by showering negativity on you in one form or another.

These people try to put themselves in a good light by criticizing others, but their words do more harm than good. They may feel better about themselves by belittling others, but the other person doesn’t see that and only feels hurt or bad. These people may end up feeling guilty and bad in their old age for having been such a bitter person or happiness-police.

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