Talking about whether or not having kids is a good idea may be seen as a little taboo and cruel even, especially if you’re already a parent! You may see more than few people frown on any complaints you may publicly have about having had kids.
That’s understandable and fine as they’re probably worried about the safety and wellbeing of these little innocent beings, that in the end let’s not forget; were not asked either whether or not they wanted to be born or if they wanted these people as parents!
However, when there is a way to be anonymous and leave your true feelings and testimony without being judged, about whether you regret or not having had kids, then the outcome is very interesting. We stumbled upon this viral thread on the dark and mysterious forums of reddit and the main question was “What is it like to have children you don’t want?”
From parents through unplanned pregnancies to others who found themselves “baby trapped” by toxic partners, everyone was sharing the daily struggle of being a parent and responsible guardian for a baby that they didn’t ask for.
Why this topic went viral:
What makes this topic interesting is the fact that it could trigger so many different reactions from different people. People who were not lucky enough to find a partner they could start a family with or to get pregnant may secretly feel a sort of relief and not so bad about their situation anymore when they read things like this.
On the other hand, parents who are so content and happy for having had their babies can feel confused and almost furious to find out that other parents like themselves have little feelings of guilt and regret about having had their little ones. And then there’s the third type of reaction from the parents in question who agree or relate to this type of confessions and feel that they’re not alone who are struggling with their parenting journey.
Either way, today we will try to analyse the idea of having kids from a neutral angle and let you decide if it’s a good idea for you and your partner. Or if you prefer to travel the world and get old and grey on your own and in each others’ arms instead. Not that you cannot travel the world with your kids after a certain age and as a family anyway…
If you are already pregnant or already a parent to beautiful amazing kids, then it is better to focus on how much joy they bring into your life and your good memories together. Think about how amazing your journey with them have been and will be, and how you literally made that little piece of heaven who only have you to care for and protect and who is deserving of all of your love no matter who they are and how they are.
If you’re not pregnant nor a parent and are trying to decide whether or not to plan for a baby with your partner then continue reading:
Pros and cons of having kids:
One of the most important choices you make in your life is whether to have kids or not. If you decide not to, then it is entirely your choice and we’d like to remind you that if you don’t then the human race is still not going extinct any time soon.
In other words; you should not feel guilty, obligated or forced to conform to society norms by having kids that you’re not sure about wanting.
In the end, you are the only one who will have to look after them and give them an amazing childhood or set them up to have a successful future. So it is only your and your partner’s choice to make. Here are some cons to help you decide once and for all:
Cons of having children:
-Children can be expensive, so make sure you only have a number of kids accordingly with your means and keep it low in order to provide them with the best.
-Kids are time-consuming and you may not have time for things you used to do for your own pleasure and enjoyment.
-They can cause emotional stress which could potentially lead to more health problems later on in life. You should learn to deal with your baby or kids, if you have one, calmly and not panic when they cry or demand something as they can be impatient.
-You may suffer a lack of social life or if you and your partner didn’t stay together or don’t in the future, then going back to the dating scene may feel may be difficult, if that’s your choice. It will be difficult to meet new people, go on dates and also find someone who will love, accept and worry about your kids’ wellbeing.
-At the start babies can cause a lack of sleep, especially during the first 3 to 6 months of life as they’d be asking for milk every one or two hours. But, few people may argue that this is temporary.
-You may also suffer a lack of self care, unless you’re one of these mommies that can squeeze a spa day or lymphatic massage in your busy schedule while your kids are asleep or even: At school!
-It can be difficult when a child is struggling with a certain problem, such as anxiety and depression.
-Nothing guarantees that your child will not be of special needs or born with difficult conditions, which will require a completely different level of commitment and impose a specific type of lifestyle on you, possibly for life…
-They may grow into becoming a bad person that will hurt their own self, others of you. However, this is a very unlikely scenario when raised with the appropriate amount of affection and care.
-Spending less romantic or quality time with your partner s you will have permanent new little beings with you at home forever.
-Have to book holidays for more than two, pay more and make the necessary arrangements for your kids to have a great time while traveling before you ensure you and your partner will too.
-You need more room or space in your home to accommodate the littles ones while they grow and need more privacy.
-Even if you’re no longer willing to take care and look after your kids after they’re born and decide to give them up to the right authorities or for adoption, then you may always leave with the guilt of knowing that a little version of you exist somewhere in the world far from you. In other words, you cannot really “undo” having had kids once you decide that it is what you want.
Pros of having children:
Some people might think that having kids is a burden or an investment, or even a life journey of struggle. Those who agree with these thoughts will have to think again after reading our list of pros below:
-Children start going to school at a specific age which almost give you back all of your freedom from before you had them!
– Children bring joy into your life. They make you feel happy every time they do something cute or funny. The journey of raising them and loving them so much is in itself enjoyable and fun. You don’t feel the need for time to pass quickly so you can get to a destination or final result. The journey itself is colourful and joyful.
-They’re sharing the journey of life with you and within your means. Whatever your fate is, they are forced to share it with you. No matter what other say when you struggle or how they support you, your kids are the only ones who literally share any of your struggles and suffer the consequences of anything bad with you. They’re your truest will-wishers and your closest allies and together you may be the greatest and most loyal team in the world.
– Kids provide unconditional love everyday. Kids see their parents as their heroes and only true role models, they will love you defend you and fight for you with all of their heart and little bodies.
-They may grow into responsible high functioning individuals that can turn your life around in a positive way or support you in your old age. Kids can sometimes be the greatest investment one would ever make in life.
– Children teach you how to grow up and take responsibility. They force you to want to thrive and to want to succeed. Many people have only made that big invention or start that business that later turned into an empire after having had kids. They may have been motivated by the little innocent faces of their little ones and their desire to do the most for them.
– Children develop empathy, love and compassion. They are not pets but very intelligent and grateful human beings that will go on to recognise all you’ve done for them as a good parent and be grateful and loving for it all.
– The more kids you have the more chances you have of creating the next person that will change the world in a positive way. You should also make sure you can afford to give a good childhood and upbringing to every single one of them and the right environment to thrive.
– The more kids you have the more busy, interesting, full and entertaining your life will look when they’re all in their twenties and you have one or more kids to visit / travel to and enjoy life with.
– Having kids may make you more open minded towards other people and less judgemental as you will feel compassion for your own kids and not want others to judge them either.
– You can become a better version of yourself for your kid’s sake.
If you’re pregnant or are considering having kids then check out our article about how easy or difficult taking care of a newborn can be. This way you can be well-informed of the commitments you’ll need to make straight away since infancy is one of the most difficult stages a child goes through.
Either way, the decision to have a child can be hard and complex. Along with the joy of being a parent, comes some tough moments you’ll need to go through. But in the end, if you’re someone’s parent then remember that it makes you that little person’ hero and entire life and treat them with love and care once you have them.