Are arranged marriages worth it, in today’s world ?

arranged marriage

The families of the bride and groom may not be close or they may be totally different and not compatible, which could cause issues and conflicts that older members of both families can be involved in. This will only complicate the marriage or cause obstacles, broken hearts and sadness, so to make sure that everything goes smoothly; sometimes people’s families decide to interfere and pick their spouses for them.

They may want their children to marry into a specific family or someone of a specific social class, etc. Arranged marriages also happen because the two families may have a business relationship that needs to continue, or because one of the newlyweds parents want to make sure their child marry someone from a caste higher than their own.

In spite of all the reasons for arranging marriages, which are based on practicality and logic, many people consider them an outdated practice. They can be unfair because it is difficult for people who do not know one another well enough to suddenly marry for the “wrong” reasons.

There’s high chances that there will not be able to live together happily as a couple for a lifetime, if they didn’t even choose one another or see how compatible they are. It is unfair that love is not taken into account in deciding about marriage.

Why do people resort to arranged marriages ?

So if arranged marriages are so obviously a bad deal, why do people do them and what are the most common reasons for resorting to one?

The first reason why people may even consider to do an arranged marriage is because they may want a spouse with similar values and beliefs as themselves and as their family. If they find someone who shares the same religious background, then this could be perfect for the both of families and people involved.

Another reason for going for an arranged marriage is that it can give people who found nobody on their own; a sense of security. It can reassure them to know that somebody else has done all the work, so there would be less pressure on you to find someone and more responsibility on them in case something went wrong.

However, even these reasons are not good enough to commit fully and sign the rest of your life away to a perfect stranger because your mother said so. First off all, if you decide to marry someone that was brought to you on a golden platter, you may not be aware of their real thoughts of you and of the marriage. They may themselves be forced to be with you by their own family and have their own past and history that they cannot let you know of.

Secondly, nothing can stop you from finding on your own someone that will still be compatible enough with your family too and share the same beliefs, religion and tastes as you. Plus, it is always more fun to go do the journey itself of finding your soulmate alone, rather than just get the keys to everything in life handed by someone.

Reasons why arranged marriage are not a good idea:

1- You’re only in it for other people’s satisfaction:

Arranged marriages are typically not worth it. More often than not, the people in the marriage will only stay together because they are scared of their family or parents’ reaction if they get divorced. People who have arranged marriages are typically not happy with the marriage and they have less tolerance for their spouse’s flaws and mistakes than they would’ve had for someone of their choice.

People may argue that arranged marriages are worth it because of religious reasons or culture, but this is not always true. There are many cultures in which arranged marriages are frowned upon and considered taboo. 

2- You give the green light to others to dictate the rest of your life:

An arranged marriage could be something you agree to because you’re feeling pressured from your family or friends who may want what’s best for themselves. However, in the end you’re the one who will spend the rest of your life probably sharing the same roof and even bed as your spouse. 

When they family successfully chooses a spouse for you and marries you off to a person of their choice, it is almost like giving them a green light to get involved in all aspects of your life. You would literally prove to them that you’re not capable of doing much in life on your own, and they may find themselves planning and dictating how the rest of your life will go for both you and your new spouse.

That’s because they know that you relied on them fully for something as important and big as finding your life partner. So they have reasons to worry and think you need them for all matters of life since they’d think you can literally not do anything or make any important choice without their guidance and involvement.

3- You miss your once-in-a-lifetime chance to find true love:

Some people believe that arranged marriages can be very successful and enriching. They think it can work as long as the couple agrees to the arrangement and has a strong foundation of respect.

Other people disagree with the idea, arguing that it is not worth it because there is no feeling of true love to make it last. And, even the couples that are in arranged marriages and claim to love one another must be pretending because they didn’t even pick one another the first day and just had to accommodate and adult to their parent’s cup of tea.

It is also believed that arranged marriages never work out well because one person usually cares (or is scared of their family), more than the other.

In the end, it is not a secret that arranged marriages are not always based on love and compatibility between the two main people involved. This can lead to unhappiness and resentment among both parties because they did not have the opportunity to choose their own partner or spend time getting to know them before marriage.

Bottom line:

An arranged marriage is a traditional form of marriage that is determined by the parents, relatives, or community leaders. The people who are getting married have no say or very little say in who they marry.

There are many reasons why many people believe that arranged marriages are not right. Some of the reasons include the fact that they have less choice in picking their spouse and there is always a risk of the two spouses not liking each other at all or even a risk of abuse or divorce. 

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