3 reasons why you keep choosing bad partners

bad partner

We all know what it feels like to be in a bad relationship. Sometimes the signs are obvious and sometimes they aren’t. But no matter how much we try, we keep choosing people who treat us poorly and don’t meet our needs, so why is that?

Why do we keep choosing partners who lack empathy, focus on themselves and their wants, and constantly put us down? Why do we put up with partners who lie, cheat or use us for their own gain?

What if you’re looking from the wrong angle:

Sometimes, the first thing you need to think about, is that there are no perfect partners out there. Everybody has their flaws, and you have to learn how to live with them. You just have to learn how to adjust your expectations and understand the other person’s shortcomings.

Secondly, if you’re asking yourself “why am I always picking the wrong person?”, it could be because you are too focused on what they can do for you rather than how a life of reciprocated love and efforts will look for both of you together.

And thirdly, think about your own behaviour too: are there horrible flaws in you maybe that trigger the bad reactions or character from your partner ?

Fourthly: maybe you keep comparing your partner to other people’s partners in your head; which is why they seem so bad to you. If you do, then what makes you think you know exactly how these other people’s partners act, react and how they are behind closed doors ? 

If none of these is your problem, and you’re actually genuinely and truly just picking the wrong type or partner every single time without fail then below are 3 possible reasons as to why that’s happening to you.

3 reasons why you keep picking the bad ones:

1- You go for looks:

We all have a need for a reliable partner. When we choose a partner, we usually focus on their physical looks and mental capacity. But in the real world, it’s not always what’s on the outside that counts. It’s what they bring to the table. And when you have a partner, you want them to be able to add something positive to your life, not take away from it.

It doesn’t hurt at all to have a partner that’s your cup of tea and that you feel physically attracted to. However, only focusing on that or going for that alone, can be something silly to do. Next time, you’d rather go for someone that you find attractive only to some extent but that also makes you laugh a lot, is fully compatible with you and have a amazing personality or mentality according to you.

2- You change partners a lot, to find the “right” one:

Some people think that relationships are too casual and they don’t see the point of sticking with one partner for a long time. This is definitely not how it should be.

It might seem easier to just keep changing partners whenever something goes wrong, but it’s not that simple. The problem with this approach is that we will never find someone who can provide us with everything we need and this way we will always feel like something is missing in our life.

People often justify their choice of a partner by saying that they are attracted to them or because they want kids. But you should never make a decision like this without considering love, compatibility and how much you can tolerate your partner’s flaws and mistakes. There’s nobody that’s perfect it all goes down to how much you can tolerate their flaws and mistakes.

Some flaws are more tolerable to some people other flaws and mistakes would drive a specific person crazy. Just make sure that your other half has flaws and mistakes that are not unbearable to you specifically regardless what other people may think.

3- You show insecurity to trigger a “need to protect” in your partner:

Unfortunately, many women choose to show their weaknesses and insecurities to men that they think will pick them up, look after them and do their best for them. However, insecurity is not attractive and it doesn’t always guarantee that the other person would want to protect and take care of you.

Sometimes showing insecurity gives you an image of an abused or insecure victim that has suffered a lot. In this case, the human brain may translate that in a way that rather says that you’re the type of person that deserves disrespect, abuse and whatever bad things happened to you.

In other words, when you meet a new partner and you start filling them in on how much you suffered from your long list of different horrible exes; it gives them a green light to become another horrible ex for you. It’s nothing new for you anyway, nothing that you’re not used to and nothing that will come at you as a surprise.

You’re used to mistreatment, if anything. Sometimes, telling new people that we have been treated badly by others gives them signals that we’re the type of person to allow bad treatment and to put up with it. So even though they may not be someone like that, they may think it’s okay for them to treat you bad and do wrong things to you because everyone else did anyway!

4- Other possible reasons:

  1. You have low self-esteem
  2. You have low standards
  3. You focus on one thing the most, when dating. (usually either social class or looks).
  4. You may have unrealistic expectations for what a good partner should be like, which makes anyone look bad.
  5. You tolerate bad treatment so it gradually keeps getting worse and worse.
  6. You’re attracted to “crazy” character in a romantic or sexual way.

Bottom line:

You may not know it, but when you are in a relationship with someone who is not suitable for you, it is actually your responsibility to leave.

You’ll never be able to make a good decision about who to be with if you keep getting with the wrong people. Make it a point, next time you’re single, not to get with anyone at all until you’re a 100% sure about them being right for you.

It’s important not to settle for someone who is just “okay” or someone that is not good for you; because it will lead you into the cycle of always settling or always wasting a bit more of your precious youth with another “bad” one.

We can choose to take the time and put in the work to find a good partner, or we can be complacent and hope things work out. In the end, picking a bad partner and staying with them leads to emotional instability and insecurity.

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