Why loving someone you can’t have is destructive

love someone i can't have

Love is a powerful emotion, but it can also be a destructive one when not reciprocated or not possible or allowed between you and the person your heart has picked.

The feeling of loving someone you can’t have is one that’s difficult to describe. It feels like all your feelings are being crushed and you’re constantly being torn between whether you should let go or have to hope. Some people have even described it as if you’re drowning in a sea of suffocating emotions.

There are many reasons why people might not be able to have a relationship with the person they want. Some might be in a situation where the other person is already taken, unwilling to reciprocate the feelings, or unwilling for whatever reason to leave their current relationship. Either way, it is always a bad idea to date someone who is still “married” or officially committed to another person even if it was just “on papers”.

Check out this article in the end and after you finish reading this one, read about 5 reasons why you should never date or take a romantic interest in someone married.

Why you should never let yourself love someone you can’t have:

1) Your imagination is better than reality:

Because you cannot be with this specific person, you end up imagining your love story and “what could be” and making it out to be this amazing and wonderful fairytale, that didn’t get a chance to come true. But, don’t forget that even the most perfect relationships and couples have ups and lows. They have arguments and moments of sadness, disappointment in each other, and disagreements.

So what you imagine could’ve been an amazing lifelong love story maybe could’ve been not so perfect, if it has the chance to come true. Our imagination, attraction to what’s forbidden, fantasies and hope make us imagine our future with that person; if it was to be made possible, as this unbelievable miracle.

However, more often than not, it would’ve probably been an average love story with its ups and lows at most; if it was given to chance to flourish. Not to mention that there’s a big chance of getting bored of one another, arguing a lot, having many problems, and ending up breaking up after a few months only and after having sacrificed all to be with one another.

In fact, it is safe to say that 90% of romantic relationships fail considering that each one of us ends up having at least more than 3 exes on average, if not more, before they find the one they end up with. This means that this relationship you’re yearning for could be another quick failure possibly; if given the chance to start and finish, rather than this amazing and unprecedented love story you have made it out to have a potential to be, in your mind.

2) You’re in denial:

Some people may find themselves in situations where they can’t make their love for someone work, no matter how hard they try. This is especially true for people who may hurt others by forming a relationship with someone who is “unavailable”. It can be hard when you’re so in love with someone who you know you can never be with.

The problem with this though is that many people believe that there is no excuse strong enough, for an adult who wants to be with another, not to be able to do it. In most cases, if they choose not to by creating reasons or excuses that they claim matter more, then most probably they just are not willing to do their best or do the most to be with that person.

That’s because anyone who truly wants to be with someone will end up being with them, regardless of any constraints, life situations, or pressure they may have. The only real obstacle for them would be if they have duties, responsibilities, or reasons stronger than their attraction and love for the person they want to be with, and that is stopping them from doing it. In any case, it is, in the end, their choice to choose what matters most to them and what they choose to do. If someone cannot give up on their “excuses” to be with you, then most probably they don’t care about being with you as much as you do.

In other words, you’re probably in denial about the fact that the person you have in mind does not want to be with you, die, and sacrifice all for that purpose. They have obstacles or things they care about more than you, which is fine. However, you should never believe that someone will simply be forced to not pursue the love of their life and live happily ever after; unless that’s what they choose to do because they have higher priorities.

3) You waste time and potentially better chances at finding the one:

Wasting time waiting for someone you can’t have is the worst possible thing ever. You’re not only wasting your youth, energy, and time but you’re also missing all your chances at meeting the right person by having your focus stay on this one.

We all have that person in our life we can’t have. Even though we know it’s not going to happen, we still spend a lot of time thinking about them and wondering what would happen if they were suddenly free to be ours.

However, these are little fantasies that the human mind likes to think about to entertain itself and it should not become an obsession to the point where we’re so focused on it that we fail to reach our life goals and achieve something in our professional, personal and romantic life.

Bottom line:

People who are in love with someone they can’t have, are often faced with the dilemma of wasting time waiting for that person or taking the chance with them to quickly be rejected and move on.

In most cases, they just end up wasting time, energy and their attention focused on something so irrelevant and that could not and will not happen.

It is important to understand that there are other people in the world who are available and who sometimes qualify more to be with us or deserve it more; than the person, we have our focus on. So get rid of your tunnel vision, explore your possibilities, and don’t let yourself again take interest in someone that is unavailable.

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