Truth be told; sometimes, it can be a scary thing to move from single life to being someone’s wife, and worse: an old stubborn couple’s daughter-in-law. There are so many things that you don’t know how to do when you want to impress your new family.
You want them to like you and think that you’re such a wonderful person. You want to avoid any conflict, and for your spouse to be happy. So it is understandable if it feels like walking on eggshells at times and it may all may overwhelming.
Just remember, it’s completely normal to be a little scared about how your husband’s family will react at the beginning, but it’s important for you to be yourself and show them that you deserve their respect. The best way for you to do this is by being kind and respectful, towards them.
5 steps to be a great daughter-in-law:
Here are our Top 5 Tips for how to be a great daughter-in-law:
Tip 1: Treat your Husband Well!
The importance of treating your husband well cannot be stressed enough. First and foremost comes your husband. Treating your husband well and not taking anything out on him is key to having a long-lasting marriage. As a wife, it is your duty to show love and care to your husband, before worrying about what others have to say about you or what they think of you.
In return, your husband’s parents and family will probably appreciate and respect the fact that you two are so lovey-dovey, and it goes without saying that they wouldn’t dare try to cause you issues, to begin with, in this case. That’s because they can already look at your couple, see how strong your love is and understand that they risk pissing off their son if they interfered or crossed their limits with you.
If you want to be seen as someone who is caring and loving towards your husband, then it’s important to show these qualities when interacting with him, in front of his parents. It can be through complimenting him or appreciating the things he does for you in front of others.
And, you may feel like you don’t have to prove yourself or love for him to anyone other than him, but it is sometimes a necessary little task; that can benefit you both a lot in the long term. This will keep his parents happy about the fact that their son has found someone who cares so much about him and they will feel that their son is in good hands.
Tip 2: Let your in-laws Spoil your Kids!
It is important to let your husband’s parents have time with their grandchildren. You should not stop them or prevent them from spoiling them. Let them love and be there for the kids. We understand that it can be tough to let go of your children, but nobody is asking you to. They’re probably still young and need their mother the most! However, it’s important for your husband’s parents to have time with their grandchildren too.
They’ve been waiting a long time for this moment and you should not stop them from loving and being there for their grandchildren. You might think that they are going to spoil the kids, but in reality, they will teach them some valuable lessons about life and how to treat others with respect and care. This will also allow your husband’s parents to feel more appreciated and connected with your little family.
Tip 3: Keep Regularly in Touch with Them!
It is important to keep in touch with your husband’s parents. Not only does it make them feel included and loved, but it also allows them to know that you care about them. When you don’t see your husband’s parents as often as you would like, it can be difficult for them to understand the reason or accept this reality without resenting you. Some of the ways that you can keep in touch with your husband’s parents include:
– Through activities: Activities such as meeting for dinner, a hike, or going out on a picnic are all great ways to get close with your husband’s parents. This is because these activities are typically fun and allow you to spend time together as a big happy family.
– Through gatherings: Gathering such as Christmas, birthday parties, or other social events are another way for you and your husband’s parents to connect. These gatherings allow you to share memories and be together in person without the distractions of technology.
– Online messaging/phone calls: This is the easiest way for you and your husband’s parents to keep in touch, even if they don’t live nearby. A simple short message can make your in-laws’ day and make them feel like they belong.
Tip 4: Don’t Complain about your Husband to his Parents!
It is never a good idea to complain about your husband, in front of his parents. It will not only make your husband feel small, but it will also hurt his ego. His parents may feel like you don’t appreciate him and become sad or they may worry about his peace of mind and his self-image, being with you. it is important to remember that your in-laws are people who have invested a lot of time and love into their son.
They deserve respect and appreciation for what they have done, for your spouse. By complaining about their son they may indirectly take offense and feel you are questioning them and the way they raised him. Furthermore, complaining about their son doesn’t reflect well on your own relationship with your husband and creates conflict, which can make the parents feel like their son is not in safe hands and is not being appreciated or treated well.
It’s one thing to be annoyed with your husband, but it’s another thing to take it out on him in the presence of his parents. You should avoid complaining about your husband to his parents because they might hold a grudge, against you and never forget it. They might never forgive you and keep a negative opinion of you, in the future.
When you have a problem with your husband, your best bet is to try and solve it on your own, without publicizing your personal relationship with him or airing your marriage’s dirty laundry for everyone to see.
Tip 5: Have Healthy Boundaries!
When you marry a man, it is important to remember that he comes from a family with certain cultural norms and traditions. You are expected to respect and love his family and the differences between them and yourself or the world you were raised in. However, you need to be given space and not let them be overbearing or suffocate you, either. It is important that we know what our limits are so that we don’t get too comfortable and end up in a toxic situation.
This will help you create a healthy relationship with your husband’s family and maintain peace in your marriage. It’s not always easy to create healthy boundaries with your husband’s family. Here are some easy steps to do just that:
– Establish a few specific days when they can visit, in accordance to your schedule: such as a weekly or monthly family gathering.
– Have some private nuclear family time without them.
– Ensure they don’t become too nosey and ask questions about what you are doing all the time. Or, private matters that you wish to keep private. Create these limits from day one.
– Talk to your spouse about what is important for your relationship as a couple, and make sure that his family does not interfere in specific areas.
– You should also make sure that you don’t get caught up in their drama or gossiping about your in-laws with other people, either. Including your own family.
Finally, treat his family with respect and love, but don’t let them cross boundaries and don’t let them suffocate you. Remember you married him and not his family. His flaws may be tolerated but you do not have to deal with his entire family’s flaws.
That’s why we recommend you never live with inlaws, but that’s your choice as long as you check out this article and decide for yourself after reading about the pros and cons of living together with them. Be kind, but firm. And stand up yourself!
The Bottom Line:
Being a good daughter-in-law is far from easy. One must be a good listener, have patience, and be willing to please their husband’s family. Ultimately, be yourself. Be confident in your own skin and be comfortable with who you are and what you have to offer.
Yes, there may be certain expectations of you, as well as few here and there, but it doesn’t mean that you have to be perfect or to be submissive in every single life situation. All you can do in the end is be the best possible version of yourself.
And, never forget your greatest priority is your husband. As the saying goes; “keep your husband happy and his family will follow!”.