Getting your friend to move out of your house can be a difficult task to do. However, it is important to consider the long-term benefits of having your own place to yourself. If you’re having the same problem with an ex rather than a friend, then check out this article about why it’s a horrible idea to live with an ex under the same roof.
However, in this article, we are tackling the problem of having a friend live at your place, rent-free, and how to ask them to move out.
If you have a friend that has been living with you for quite some time, and that started causing you a little discomfort; then it might be time for them to move out of your place. If you want the entire process to happen smoothly and with no complications then here’s how to go about it:
6 steps to nicely ask your friend to move out of your place:
When you ask a friend to move out, it is important to be clear about your request rather than drop hints which may just trigger a sour and bitter interaction.
It can be difficult to find an amicable solution, so it is best to have a plan before you initiate the conversation. This is why we offer you 5 steps that you should follow to smoothly and amicably reach your ends.
1- Don’t mention needing more privacy:
We all need some privacy from time to time, and you might be thinking about asking your friend to move out of your place for this reason. That’s obviously fine and understandable but not everyone will understand.
Being honest about this can sometimes be perceived as rudeness. Also, your friend may say that they won’t make much noise anymore or that they will give you more space and not cause many issues, etc. In brief, they may not get it if you say that your reason for this request is needing more privacy.
That’s why it may be okay to create another more urgent excuse if you are in urgent need of your space and privacy. And this is what we will discuss in the next point.
2- You may have to say it’s temporary:
Lying is not always the best thing to do and can be perceived as being unethical, rude, or simply a bad thing to do. However, if you don’t want your friendship to be ruined then you may have to make up an excuse about why your friend may need to move out soon.
This is a better option because accordingly with your excuse you can even put a deadline by which the friend should have already left. And, you can help your friend feel good about this too; and be packing their stuff with a smile on their face if you say it’s temporary. But, for this to work make sure your friend is moving to a proper place and settling somewhere else not just waiting in a hotel or motel to come back live with you after this “temporary” phase passes.
So make it clear that they may have to move out temporarily but that you don’t know how soon they’ll be able to come back. For instance, you can say “my parents are coming to stay with me for a while and they’re a bit particular about how they like things to be”. You may go from something like this and say that your friend has to move and that there’s no way around it.
Then once your friend moves out you can kindly tell them that regardless of your parents’ situation and how long or short their stay will be, you’re not willing to share your place anymore.
It may sound a bit unexpected and sudden, but it is sometimes better to do things this way amicably and explain your decision later and after they moved. It is always better than having an altercation with someone who still lives with you or who has their belongings under your roof…
You can consider doing this approach in two cases: If you care about trying to conserve your friendship or not hurting your friend’s feelings by asking them to move out simply because you made that choice. Or the second case is if you think your friend can be difficult, not want to move out or cause issues if you ask them directly with no excuse.
3- Know your rights:
If it is a roommate relationship or the other person is just a friend, then the law does not protect them from being asked to move out or even from being removed from your property; if it came down to it.
However, if the person is a tenant or subtenant with a lease agreement in place, then they cannot be asked to leave without cause and notice.
Hopefully, things don’t become extreme and none of this is needed but it is always good to know your rights.
4- Make sure your friend is safe and has a place to move to:
It is a good idea to tell your friend a month in advance that they will have to move. And it is also a good idea to help your friend find a place to stay and to show interest in their welfare and safety.
Just because you don’t want them to live with you anymore doesn’t give you the right to chuck their belongings out in the middle of the night. You cannot tell them one day earlier or treat them with disrespect and expect them to be gone.
Remember that you’re the one who opened your home to them the first day and regardless of what happened and your reasons for wanting them gone, you still have to let them out in a good respectful manner.
You may own the place they stayed at, but you don’t own their body and the stuff that they have brought on your property.
5- Compliment their new place and show interest in it:
If you don’t want your friend back at yours at any point in the future, then once you find out where they will stay next. Show interest in their new home, compliment it and emphasize the good things or advantages about it that may not have existed for them when your friend stayed at yours.
This way, they won’t feel as bad about having had to move out of your place. Your friendship may be restored and you will not have lost them as a friend. Especially if they actually end up liking their new place and thinking it wasn’t such a bad idea, after all, to have moved out from yours.
Obviously, if they were staying at yours for free and they’re now renting or having to pay for the place they found in some form, they’d still prefer your place. However, very soon this will stop being your problem and only theirs.
Everyone at some point in life has to find their own place, pay rent or buy a place be it a studio, flat, or even a house. In the end, they will figure out that it is not your problem and that everyone has to provide for their own family and household, and not their friends.
6- Be firm, strict and clear:
If your friend keeps asking you to move back to yours or about the living situation and when they can come back, then you’ll have to put your foot down and clearly state your case.
In this case, they would’ve left your place some time ago anyway, so if you have to make things clear because they’re being awkward and demanding: Do it!
The good thing about this is that you already removed such a rude friend from your place, so at least you don’t have to deal with their rudeness at home too.
You cannot allow your friend to have such high expectations of you like to provide them with a home, free of charge and forever. And, if they want to hear it coming from your mouth, to understand and accept it then be it. In this case, they’d be the ones trying to ruin the friendship anyway and not you: so don’t hold back from telling them how you feel.
Also, you can mention what you have already done for them and how they should’ve been more grateful and understanding instead.