What to do if being deceived by someone you love

deceived by someone you love

It is a very difficult and painful experience to be deceived by someone you love. When this happens, it can feel like your whole world has been shattered and that everything you thought was true was in fact a lie or an illusion.

There are many ways that people deceive their partners, but one of the most common examples is infidelity. This can be an act of physical or emotional cheating on behalf of one person to another. Not just cheating, but there are many ways that people deceive those they love. They may lie, keep secrets, or manipulate their partner by withholding information.

It can happen when partners in a couple don’t share their lives with each other and instead live two separate lives, or when they lie to each other about what they are doing in their spare time.

What is deception in a relationship?

Deception is the act of propagating information that is not true. It can be done in a variety of ways, such as lying, concealing information, or presenting false information as true.

Deception is often used to make people believe what you want them to believe, which can lead to manipulation and exploitation.

In relationships, deception can take many forms like mentioned, and can even be done in order to protect oneself from getting hurt. Deception can range from hiding one’s feelings and emotions from a partner in order to avoid conflict or fighting about something petty, to hiding the truth about one’s history for fear of being judged for their past mistakes.

It can also be done by betraying a partner in some way and lying or covering it up. Check out our articles on the things you cannot accept in a relationship. If your partner is guilty of one of them, they might have hidden it, which can be rightfully named a deception.

It may also be used in order to avoid rejection or abandonment by a partner who does not share the same interests or values.

Recognize when you’ve been deceived by someone you love:

People who deceive others often use excuses to justify their behavior. They may say things like, “I was just trying to protect you,” or “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” They are often unaware of how deceitful they are being and the harm they’re causing their loved ones.

It’s hard to know if you are being deceived by someone you love. You may not want to believe it at first, be in denial, or even be confused especially because they will do everything they can to make sure that you don’t find out.

The best way to try and figure out if someone is deceiving you is by looking at their behavior over a long period of time. If they have been lying for a long time, hiding evidence from you, and willingly making mistakes then chances are that they are deceiving you. And, you will only come to realize it fully and properly after they’re done with you.

1- Why are we easy to manipulate and deceive?

The reason why it may be very hard to realize when a loved one is trying to deceive us is that the human brain is wired to be deceived by those we love. In other words, the brain has many cognitive biases that are designed to make us feel good about the people we care about.

This can be seen in the following examples:

-The brain remembers information that makes it look like someone is a good person or does not have any flaws.

-It will ignore or rationalize anything bad about a loved one, even if it’s obvious and undeniable.

-It will only remember things that confirm what the person wants to believe about the other person, and forget anything negative.

4 steps to recover from being deceived by someone you love:

For the reasons listed above, it may be difficult to recognize deception in a relationship earlier and move on. However, here is a list of steps to follow to make sure you get over it all, as quickly as possible.

1- Realise that they are not the same person you thought they were:

When someone you love suddenly changes or drops their act and mask to show you their true colors, it can be a very difficult and confusing experience. You start to question your own worth and wonder what you did wrong or how you were so gullible.

It is important to remember that they are not the same person they were before. Or even go as far as believe that they were never the person you thought they were.

This depends on the situation itself, as someone could’ve lied about basic things like their love for you, and your entire story with them would’ve been a lie in this case. All because they have had ulterior motives or have been using you or because they were hiding something.

In this case, you may as well forget it all, as you were clearly the subject of a theatrical play, and the person you think you love doesn’t even exist and is just an imaginary character invented by a vile and harmful individual.

2- Don’t seek revenge:

Revenge is a dish best served cold. It’s also a dish that will do more harm than good.

If you’re feeling angry and want to get back at the person that deceived you, then think about how much more energy and time you’ll be wasting on someone unworthy. Instead, you can choose to use that time to be happy and better yourself and your future. So it is better to try to forgive them for what they did and move on with your life.

Be the wiser one and keep in mind that it’s natural to feel angry and hurt after being deceived by someone you love. However, time heals all wounds and it’s not worth the time and effort that you put into seeking revenge.

It will only make things worse for everyone involved in this situation, including yourself.

3- Confront them, say what you want, and move on:

It’s important that we have the ability and courage to stand up for ourselves and refuse something if we don’t want it or need it. We should never feel like we have to do something just because someone else wants us to or because it would be easier in the long run.

If you feel you’ve been deceived, manipulated, or hurt then even though we recommend you don’t seek revenge, it wouldn’t hurt to get closure. Confront the person, have a clear, civilized, and straight-to-the-point talk to try and understand with more clarity their reasons and motives. It is better to do this than spend the next five years of your life wondering why what happened happened.

What matters though is that once you get your answers, you can allow yourself to ponder on them a little, before forgetting it all once and for all.

4- Don’t put everyone in the same basket:

Yes, it was a horrible experience. And, even if the person that deceived you was your own mother who brought you into the world you should try and understand that not all people are the same.

Stay open to love and to new people and try trusting new people again. Don’t become so miserable, sad, closed-off, pessimistic about all just because of one bad apple. The world is vast and people can be so diverse and unique. Developing trust issues or trying to learn a lesson from a horrible experience will lead to nowhere nice.

Give others the benefit of the doubt and be open to new relationships, friendships, and life.

Bottom line:

People are often deceived by their loved ones. Sometimes, it is a deliberate act, but other times it is an accident. People can be deceived by their partners, friends, and family members.

But in the end, forgiveness can always be an option if you really find it in your heart to believe in that person again. If you understand your loved one’s reasons for having done what they did, and if you think they were forced to do it then you can think about putting new boundaries in the relationship and start again from there.

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