Sexuality is, by far, one of the most interesting subjects. It’s so complex and it manifests in so many different ways, we could talk about it forever. However, today we are focusing on sapiosexuality; what it means, and how to tell if you’re sapiosexual or a sapiophile.
To put it simply, a sapiosexual is someone who thinks intelligence is the most attractive feature a person can have. That means they find intelligence attractive and sexually arousing, more so than other traits. Can you relate?
Well, before we discuss some of the most common signs of sapiosexual people, it’s important to understand what sapiosexuality is. So, let’s discuss it a bit more in-depth!
What Is Sapiosexuality Like?
One of the main things to understand here is that for sapiosexuals, love doesn’t happen at first sight. For them, sexual attraction starts and ends with the other person’s intellect. They need to be intellectually stimulated, without this, they won’t feel desire, lust, love, or anything in between.
Sapiosexuality doesn’t have any limitations when it comes to gender because it’s not the focus of the attraction. That means that sapiosexuals can be straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, etc. Everyone has unique preferences, but when it comes down to it, intellect is more important than anything else for sapiophiles.
In other words, sapiosexuals care more about the quality of people’s minds. That’s what they’re attracted to, so the person’s exterior doesn’t have much weight in the way sapiosexuals feel about others. They value people for the way they think, their ability to solve problems, curiosity, and their ability to hold a conversation, among other things.
It’s important to note that sapiosexuality is a bit controversial when related to sexual identity. While some consider that it should count as a sexual orientation, many others believe that it’s not because there are no gender preferences involved.
That being said, it’s important to keep in mind that labels are only valid if they contribute to your sexual confidence. If you feel that sapiosexuality defines your experience beyond what gender you prefer, use the label. Respectfully, don’t allow others to invalidate your sexual identity.
4 Signs You Are Sapiosexual or a Sapiophile:
1. You’re Attracted to Intelligence Over Personality or Physical Appearance:
If you’re attracted to intelligence above everything else, that’s a strong sign you are sapiosexual. When you’re looking for someone to date, what is it that matters most to you? Is it their personality or the way they carry a conversation? Do you prefer deep conversations over casual chit-chat? Do people who express themselves really well make you kind of hot?
Also, think about your dating history. Do you usually date people with the same body type and features? Or is intelligence the one thing all your past partners have in common? Do you care more about their values, interests, and morals than the way they look? If so, you already know what it means.
2. Debating Is a Big Turn on for You:
Sapiosexuals love a good debate. They love to discuss topics in-depth and bounce ideas back and forward. They love it so much it turns them on. If you can relate, that’s another big sign you are sapiosexual. For sapiosexuals, intelligence is not just a plus, it’s the entire reason they’re interested in other people.
If discussions about literature, politics, or other topics of interest make you desire the other person or feel aroused, that’s sapiosexuality. They could be throwing themselves at you, but if they can’t hold a conversation with you, you won’t be interested.
3. Good Grammar and Spelling Are a Must:
In today’s world, online dating is the norm. Most of the time, we chat with people online before we meet them in person. If you’re a sapiosexual, you can be pushed away by sexting or meaningless conversation.
You’re definitely not interested in people who don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
Instead, you’re interested in people who text with good grammar and spelling, and the person’s ability to have real conversations about things that matter.
Also, sapiosexuals might prefer online dating. That’s because it allows them to determine pretty quickly if someone they’re interested in is a good match or not.
4. You Prefer Quiet Dates:
When you think about your perfect date, what does it look like? If your answer includes quiet places or relaxed plans, you might be a sapiosexual. Sapiosexuals want to be able to have a conversation during dates. That’s why going to concerts, sports events, bars, and other crowded, loud places is not their vibe.
They much prefer going to libraries where they can browse books and talk about them, coffee shops, restaurants, picnics, or any place where they can discuss life goals and plans with you. That’s how they will see if you two are heading towards the same direction in life and if you’re compatible.
They also like to get to know people through shared hobbies. Such as drawing, pottery, writing, and more. Check out our article on lucrative hobbies that can help you make a quick couple of bucks while having fun.
Determining if you’re a sapiosexual is not difficult once you understand the signs.
It can feel liberating to finally put a name on your personality type or this aspect of your identity! Especially if you’ve felt misunderstood when it comes to dating, for a long time.