5 signs your ex is only “pretending” to be over you

your ex is pretending to be over you

Pretending to have moved on is a common coping strategy when we’re going through a break-up. But, this is not always the best way to get over someone.

Unfortunately, when our pride gets in the way we may pretend that we don’t care and that we’re unaffected. So, your ex may be doing just that now, if you two only broke up recently. And, this is not a good thing to do as it only delays the inevitable and makes it more difficult for you both to recover.

However, in the end, it’s not their fault if they’re still holding onto something as the heart wants what it wants. They may be too proud to express how they truly feel about you still, but they will try at least not to inconvenience you.

In order to heal properly, you need to take time for yourself and focus on your own well-being. However, if you just want to make sure you read all the signs right and see where your ex stands here are some tips.

You will figure out if your ex is truly done with you or if they’re just pretending and faking it until they make it; with these few signs:

1. They leave the past in the past:

One of the reasons why it can be hard to get over our ex is because, even though we know we have to move forward without them, we can’t stop thinking about our relationship that ended.

That’s one of the techniques your ex might be using to pretend that they are over you is by making it known that, after the breakup, the only thing they care about is the future. As hurtful as this can be, which your ex knows and is counting on you to hurt your feelings, know that it’s just an act. The more a person tries to direct their attention to the future, the harder they are trying to get over the past and probably failing.

If you truly, don’t want to bring your relationship back to life, show your ex that you’re looking towards the future too. This will throw them off balance and dissuade them from persisting with this technique. 

2. They are the ones who keep arguig about the breakup:

When we go through a breakup, as much as we want to forget that person exists and move on with our lives without them being part of them, that’s not always possible. Many times we don’t have the heart to completely ignore our ex, especially when they start sending us long heartfelt messages late in the night.

After reading their messages it’s clear that they are still hurting, and you almost feel guilty by not replying to them. However, what might be confusing about the content of these messages is their intent to show that they don’t miss you and just want to clear things up before moving on. They might want to discuss at length why you broke up and what kind of attitudes you have that stop them from taking you back.

They are desperate to show that they don’t care about the sweet things you’ve experienced together anymore and are just acting selflessly. They may be warning you about the things you shouldn’t do in your next relationship.

If you want them to move on as well, reply only with the necessary information. Ignore their provocation and don’t engage in heated arguments, since it will only make your ex more interested in showing that they don’t care, even though they do, and trying to hurt you more.

3. Their new date or partner cannot stand you:

It’s common knowledge that we are not forced to like the people our partners dated before, just like our new partners don’t need to like our exes. We’re talking about people who, in one way or another, hurt our feelings just by existing or more precisely by having existed in our partner’s life before us. So, if your ex is seeing another person, it’s to be expected that they won’t like you, but they don’t have to.

You’re no longer a part of your ex’s life and they should be happy to know that you moved on when you start dating again. Or are they? Moving on to a greyer area of life, just because your ex is now dating someone new, doesn’t mean that they are over you. Especially if they contact you and start making comments about your new date or how disappointed they are or how much you “downgraded”. They might be doing this simply out of spite. Or, they may be indirectly telling you that you should stop dating that new person and get back to them.

In the end, it is no surprise that your ex may act spiteful and mean to your new date and not like them especially if the breakup wounds are still fresh. However, if you meet your ex’ new date and she just cannot stand you then this may mean she heard a couple of things about you. Or, that she noticed how not “over you” her new date and your ex is.

Your ex might tell their new partner stories about your relationship and not be very honest about the truth. They will try to tip things in their favor, to show they are the victim. Because of this, don’t be surprised if the new person your ex is dating comes after you. Don’t worry, you’re probably not at fault here.

Just stay away from your ex, if you never want them back again, because they are clearly not over you.

4. You might need to block their number:

If your ex starts randomly calling you in very distraught states, telling you that you’re going to regret leaving them, then immediately apologizing, this is a clear sign that they aren’t really over you.

In this case, you need to be assertive about not wanting them to contact you again if you’re not interested. If they don’t respect that boundary, you might need to block their number.

5. They become vindictive:

If, after ending your relationship, things in your life start to go downhill, either because people are turning their backs to you, or you start having problems at work, then the culprit may be no other than your ex. Check and make sure nobody is running around and spreading rumors about you. If you get the feeling that someone is out to get you, don’t dismiss it and investigate.

When your ex is not over you but tries to pretend to be, they will try to make you hurt and isolate you. It’s one way to make them feel superior and not alone in their suffering. Check out this article on a few clues about how to deal with a vindictive partner during separation.

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