How to communicate with a difficult spouse

communicate with a difficult spouse

When it is not easy to communicate with the person you love the most, life can turn into a nightmare. Sometimes, your spouse can be difficult to talk to and it can be hard to find a way to make them happy.

This article will provide some tips on how you can communicate with a difficult spouse in a better way.

1. Be aware of your emotions:

When your spouse is being a very difficult person because they refuse to listen to you, you need to choose carefully how to portray your emotions. When you confront someone about something personal, usually that person feels attacked and their first reaction is to counterattack.

They will try to undermine you by pointing out that you are out of control and need to calm down. If you never lose your composure and communicate clearly and calmly, it’s half the job done to make your spouse listen to you. Check out our article on how to manage your anger better during an argument, if that’s an issue you have.

2. Choose the right time to bring a subject forward:

If you have experience dealing with a difficult spouse, then you know that you can’t approach them with issues at a random time. They are usually stressed about other things or busy with something and they will not pay attention to you when they have already set their schedule for them.

It could take more time to get their attention and choose the right timing to bring an issue up. And it will all be rewarding. When you finally see a window of opportunity to talk to your spouse, they will be taken by surprise but they also won’t have any excuses not to hear what you have to say.

3. Don’t hide your needs:

Remember: communication is key in a relationship. You need to share everything you need with your spouse and they also need to make room in their lives to listen to you.

Bottling up your frustrations and unsatisfied needs will only lead to anger and spite. If you truly wish to preserve and improve your relationship, you need to be able to share with your spouse your wants and needs. This way, you will have a fulfilling relationship.

You need to be able to communicate what you expect from them, and maybe insist as many times as you need to until they finally listen to you.

4. Don’t spiral out of the problem you’re discussing:

When we’re arguing with someone who refuses to see our point of view and only wants to focus on how we wronged them, it’s important to stick to the topic of discussion. Demanding an apology without wanting to hear their motives is easy too and should be avoided. So stick to the topic, discuss it from many angles, just as long as it doesn’t spiral out of topic.

Suddenly, you start remembering all your previous arguments if you allow offtopic remarks, and that finished in a bigger unresolved argument. Contrary to what you might think, bringing back unresolved issues in the middle of an occuring argument won’t give you any credit. Instead, your spouse will see you as a person who holds on to grudges

5. Explain the same thing in different ways:

If you want to be heard, maybe consider retelling your issue differently. You need to realize that the thing that bothers you lives in your mind and you have a full understanding of it.

When it comes to telling your spouse about something that has been bothering you, it may be the first time they hear about it and they might need you to give more context about the issue. There’s a higher chance that you will be heard and understood, once your spouse gets what you’re trying to say and why you felt the way you did.

6. Listen to be heard:

There might be a reason why your spouse is acting so difficult around you. Maybe they don’t feel heard in the relationship, so they decided that it wouldn’t be worth saying anything. In this case, you may want to take the initiative and create a safe space for your husband to feel heard.

This may not work right away, but letting your spouse feel that they are heard by you is a habit that you can implement. Step by step, your spouse will feel more relaxed around you and, unconsciously be more emotionally available and open to discuss things with you.

7. If things get heated, take a break:

You should avoid having heated arguments since they are a good way of hurting each others’ feelings unintentionally, which can create resentment between you two. Having emotional maturity means knowing when an argument is not being productive, because you let yourself be guided by your emotions.

When you realize that your argument is not beneficial, you should voice out loud that it would be better if you both took a break from the conversation. It doesn’t mean that you should forget about the argument, you just need to clear your heads to be able to get your point across in a calmer way later.

8. Seek professional help:

When nothing mentioned above works it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed, it just means that the next step is seeking professional help. It can seem a bit daunting bringing your conjugal problems to a third person. You might be afraid to be judged, but that will never happen when you want help from an expert in relationships.

Their major concern is to save your relationship and not judge the type of person you might be. The most important thing is that both you and your spouse are completely honest during your sessions. In the meantime, you can also check our article on how to deal with a stubborn husband in 6 steps!

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