It’s hard to imagine not sharing a single part of our life with the person with whom we shared everything, but when you go through a breakup, the most powerful thing you can do is create a lot of distance between you and your ex-partner.
1. Not giving them importance improves your life:
Once your partner becomes your ex, they virtually stop having any importance in your life. But this is easier said than done. Even though you decided to break things up your feelings may not switch off as quickly as your brain. You can experience guilt or even pity from cutting someone from your life so abruptly, especially if they still try to contact you.
However, you have to make things clear to your ex: since you’re not in a relationship anymore, and since your goal is not to become friends, there’s no reason for you to keep talking to them. It will only cause drama, more problems, and unnecessary friction to stay in touch.
There’s a possibility, however, that your ex might refuse to accept your decision. Mostly because they still have feelings for you and, trying to maintain contact with you, they might even think they can win you back that way.
In this case, it’s important to have a serious talk with them. Say that you want them to move on, as it’s not fair to leave them thinking that there might be a chance for you to go back together when you know it’s impossible.
After this, you would’ve done your part so you should completely ignore them without feeling guilty, and you should even pretend that they don’t exist. Only then you will realize how much mind space you have now to dedicate to other areas of your life. You will feel a great improvement.
2. It gives you the ability to move on with your life:
Whether you had a long or a short relationship, it’s normal that it had a big impact on your life. You got used to having that person around, whenever you felt lonely. But you need to remember that you broke up for a reason. Ignoring your ex not only allows them to move on, but it also gives you the freedom to follow your own path in life.
It became a habit having that person in your life, and habits are hard to shake off. What you need to do is implement new habits and one of them is learning how to live your life without your ex. It might take time, so don’t get frustrated if there are some days when you will feel worse than others. However, you also need to be aware of behaviors that will only prevent you from finding a new dynamic in your life.
You need to be certain of your decision, because if you decide to get back with your ex, without solving your issues, the most likely thing to happen is to end the relationship, again and again. This will be making things worse each time. If you do this, you are only deluding yourself and wasting your time fighting a lost battle.
Avoid playing petty mind games, you will be confusing yourself and your ex, and even though your intentions aren’t bad, the consequences will be. It will come off as cruel and, by hurting your ex’s feelings, they will only feel resentment for you.
3. It’s the best way to recover:
When you come off a relationship, you might not realize it, but things will get better, eventually. Time heals all wounds and, what it can’t cure, it teaches us to deal with them healthily.
There will be broken hearts and negative emotions after a breakup, from both sides, but seeking, provoking, and poking around your ex isn’t the way to recover. Remember that they are also trying to process the end of the relationship, so it would just deter them from the process if you were to show up in their lives again.
To be able to recover, you need to find support from other people in your life. You need to put your relationship in perspective and you can only do that with distance. Once you start recovering, away from your ex, the hard feelings you felt at the beginning will start to fade away.
4. You earn respect:
Whether it was you or your ex who broke things off, or whether it was a mutual decision, breakups are generally final. People break up for a reason and that’s because they want better things in life and are not willing to settle for anything less than what they idealized.
You can make this aspect clear when you have your last conversation with your ex, but you need to stick with your decision. If, after breaking things up, you try to get back to your ex, they will not be impressed. If you do this, you will show that you are unstable and full of uncertainties or that you have no respect for yourself.
Because of this, they will not see you as a reliable partner and, probably not take you back or maybe not take you seriously even if they take you back. If you can prove that you were able to go after your dreams after your breakup, not only you will gain respect from your ex, but you will also gain respect for yourself.
In the end, if you’re still not convinced then check out this article on the boundaries you should keep staying friends with an ex, in case you want to go down that path.