Having a stubborn husband means that we’re married to someone who feels strongly about things. But that shouldn’t give them the green light to always get their way.
It’s not about making sure that you always win, it’s about making sure that you both gain the most out of your conversations. Here are some steps you can take to deal with a stubborn husband.
Steps to deal with a stubborn husband:
1. Assign a level of importance to the issue you are arguing about:
When having a heated argument or even a conversation with your husband where, in your point of view, he is being stubborn, it is important to take a step back. It’s important to analyze the argument for a minute or two and see if it is even worth it. Breath in deeply, then breath out first. You need to put things into perspective.
Arguing about who’s turn is to clean the house is not the same thing as disagreeing about having to move cities or countries. Having established the size of the issue at hand, you will be able to think more rationally or even take things with a grain of salt. Remember that anger and frustration are the only enemies when you’re trying to get your point across.
2. Listen to him, before taking a position:
You may be right about thinking that your husband is simply being stubborn regarding the issue you’re discussing, but you could also be wrong. Your husband could be standing in front of you and thinking the same thing, about how you can be so stubborn too. To avoid falling into the same trap during your conversation, you should make the effort to listen to what your husband is saying.
When you think about it, your husband is trying to be heard as much as you, so why don’t you take a minute to try to listen to his ideas. This could also diffuse the tension because your husband will think you both reached a breakthrough and can move forward with solving the issue.
3. Ask him why he feels strongly about a certain topic:
We are so busy trying to listen to what we feel, what we think, and how we react that we forget that other people feel the same. Now that you listened attentively to him, it’s time to start asking him why he feels so strongly about this particular issue.
The answer might surprise you and it could even solve it all right away, because you finally found the root of the problem and why he was acting so stubbornly.
If you still can’t understand his side fully, don’t give up. Not making an effort to understand your partner’s way of seeing the world is going to create another source for future arguments. Since your husband feels heard now, he won’t mind answering all the questions you need to ask. Create a safe space for him, so he doesn’t feel judged and he will share more details with you.
4. Explain your side objectively:
Now that you listened to his point of view and realized that there were some things you weren’t aware of, it’s only natural that your husband is going to notice your efforts. It’s very important to make your side heard, so even if your husband still refuses to listen, you need to bring his attention to the fact that you’re trying to understand him and to relate.
It’s also important that you control your emotions when doing this because it’s easier for other people to follow your train of thought when you explain things objectively in a calm way.
Make sure that your husband doesn’t interrupt you as soon as you start to say something he doesn’t agree with, calmly remind him that you didn’t interrupt him when it was his turn.
5. Make sure if he has understood your side:
To move forward with your issue, you both need to learn more things about each other’s thinking and opinions. Create a safe space for him to ask questions and answer them honestly as many times as he needs.
Try to distract yourself from the annoying fact of life that it might take longer for an angry person to understand your point of view. If you remain calm, throughout all the time he’s answering your questions and you’re answering his, then this will benefit you a lot.
If he finally understands why you reacted in a certain way, he may stop being as stubborn as he was in the past.
6. Think if you are willing to make sacrifices:
Even though you both now understand each others’ sides fully, it doesn’t mean that the problem is magically solved. But now that you have decided on the relevance of the issue you are capable of rationally thinking if you can easily sacrifice your needs and not get your way this time or not.
Sometimes, when we deal with a stubborn husband it’s normal to try to get our way out of spite, even if it’s something that doesn’t matter a lot to you. But when you bring to light your husband’s hidden motives behind his position, you can make an informed choice. Check out this article or share it with your hubby to help learn to manage anger in arguments.