When we cry, we want our partners to comfort us, hold us, and make us feel a little bit better. When someone doesn’t care about your feelings and they’re open about it or just indifferent to your sadness or tears, it can hurt. However, when that person is your husband or partner, it can be devastating.
What does it even mean? “why is it that my husband doesn’t care when I cry” you ask. He doesn’t show any compassion nor does he try to fix whatever is wrong, why is that? Does it mean he doesn’t love you? And, what should you do to make him care?
Well, there are a few things you can do to address this issue and hopefully become stronger and more compassionate partners. Not everyone is equipped to deal with someone else’s sadness or intense feelings.
There could be a good explanation for your partner’s lack of empathy. If there is, you can take action together and help each other. Changes don’t always come easily, but if your partner is open to making an effort, things will get better.
5 Things to do if your boyfriend doesn’t care when you cry:
1- Have a Conversation About It
One of the easiest things you can do if your partner doesn’t seem to care when you cry is talk about it. You should have this conversation when you’re feeling emotionally stable. The last thing you want is to make him feel judged, criticized, or cornered.
You want to understand, so start by talking about how his lack of empathy makes you feel. If you can remember a specific example, tell him about it without being accusatory.
Simply explain how it made you feel and be specific so he can understand. Also, be ready to listen to his response and be open to his reasons rather than quickly label them as excuses.
2- Ask If He Doesn’t Know How to Act:
It’s perfectly normal for someone not to know what to do or how to act when a person is crying. Ask him if that’s the case to get more insight into his mindset. Maybe he feels like he needs to provide a solution and because he doesn’t have one currently, he chooses not to do anything.
That might be his way of coping with not being able to satisfy your needs and make you happy. If you’re crying about something out of his control or something he can do nothing about, chances are he will feel horrible but not show it much because he’s in denial himself and cannot face the fact that he can’t help.
Perhaps he feels frozen when you cry because he feels helpless and he doesn’t know what to say to make you feel better. If that’s the case, take the opportunity to explain that it’s not about providing magical solutions, it’s about supporting you and making you feel comforted.
3- Talk about how you’d like him to comfort you:
Most of the time, partners don’t do anything when they see you cry because they don’t know what to do. If that’s the case, you can provide your partners with the tools they need to do better. Explain how you like to be comforted by him and the things that work for you.
This way, he will understand your needs a lot better and know what to do next time. Mention specific things that cheer you up. Maybe that’s a silent cuddle, a cup of hot cocoa, watching a comfort movie, etc.
If all you need is a silent shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to you or just be there for you, let them know that. At the same time, try not to make your relationship into a dark miserable one, by needing to cry on his shoulder every week, while he watches you.
4- Ask for what you need in that moment:
Many people have this misconception that asking for what you need when you need it is degrading somehow. “My partner should know.” In a perfect world, yes, but partners are not mind-readers. No one is! Asking for what you need is the best way to get your partner to support you.
Whether you need a hug, being alone, a warm bath, etc., just say it. Even if you would’ve wanted your partner to go out of their way, and do something or say something to the person that offended you then tell him. Explain how he should’ve acted in a specific way and taken your defense if that’s how you feel.
There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s called clear communication and it will do wonders for your relationship. As we mentioned before, people don’t always know what to do when someone cries. So, expressing your needs is an assertive thing to do.
5- Consider Counseling or Couples’ Therapy:
If you’ve done everything in your power to show your partner how to be more empathetic and it hasn’t worked, you should consider counseling or go to couples’ therapy. The truth is that, if your partner lacks empathy due to personal trauma or deeper issues of his own, you can’t help them.
You can support him and be patient, but he will need professional help eventually, in order to work through his issues so your relationship can improve. Couples’ counseling or therapy can be super helpful if you’re both willing to give it a try and do your best together.
Emotions are confusing and we don’t all have the same tools to process them or deal with them. Some people lack emotional intelligence or empathy and that’s something they need to work on.
If your partner doesn’t seem to care when you cry and fails to comfort you, that’s a big issue and it must be addressed. Maybe they do care but don’t know how to show it, maybe they feel uncomfortable when people cry, or maybe they don’t care and your relationship needs professional help.
Whatever the answer may be, you must get to the bottom of it. You both deserve the best from one another. If you’re willing to work on your issues, your relationship will become stronger! Check out this article on relationship goals to reach together and become the strongest couple out there.