It is important to understand that people are not obliged to talk to you. During the dating stage, if someone chooses to stop talking to you, then they can do that and you should accept it. It is up to you whether or not you want to initiate a conversation with someone, and it is up to them whether or not they want to respond.
It is easy to say this or to even think it, but what’s hard is to follow through, especially when you’re dating someone and you like them and think of what could be. You may find yourself pressuring them for answers and humiliating yourself more and more, without being aware of your actions.
That’s why in today’s article we give you the wake-up call you need to never push anyone too hard and never force anyone to talk to you, be with you, or interact with you in any way. If they want to, then they’re welcome to if not then goodbye and good luck to them!
Reasons to never force anyone to talk to you or be with you:
1- You demonstrate having self-respect, self-care, and dignity:
Self-care is a declaration of independence, self-respect, and dignity. It is a way to be confident and proud of yourself and your actions in the short and long term. To take care of yourself also means not allowing yourself to be in situations where you stick around when you’re unwanted, disliked, and despised.
Removing one’s self from the proximity of a person that made it known that they’d rather be away from you, can be considered a type of self-care. In doing so you’re protecting yourself from that person’s poisonous comments and harm, and you’re showing respect to yourself by not imposing on others.
By never forcing anyone to talk to you even if it’s only to explain themselves, you are choosing to put yourself first. You are choosing to walk away with your dignity intact, rather than putting yourself in a vulnerable position by wanting the attention of a person that has no interest in yours.
2- It stops you from looking desperate:
It’s important to avoid being a pushy unpleasant person. We are sure that most stalkers never thought of themselves as such. They probably all engage in stalking and obsessing over their victims, with the belief that the other person is interested too.
Or, at most, they think that if they can somehow convince their victim to give them a chance then they’ll end up having the best love story ever and getting married in front of the sunset. When in reality, the victims always find it confusing as to why their stalkers or aggressors wouldn’t get the message and just leave them alone and at peace already.
So what happens is that the desperate stalker ends up in jail, trying to prove a point and the victim obtains their freedom and peace of mind finally.
Comparing you to a stalker might look a bit extreme to you. But, if you’re forcing someone to talk back to you or thinking about ways to make them give you a chance forcefully then you’re only a couple steps away from being that desperate. You probably already started looking desperate in their eyes, which is very unattractive, the moment you insisted on having them talk back to you.
You should be a sensitive and considerate person by being aware of the things that make people feel uncomfortable and not impose anything on them. This way, you don’t waste your time and energy on a person that doesn’t and will never feel the same about you, to begin with. And, refocus or direct your feelings to someone more interested for more chances of more pleasant results.
3- The more you try, the more it pushes them away, anyway:
The fear of rejection and rejection itself are some of the biggest factors that keep people from taking the initiative and putting themselves out there. However, when we try we may see that rejection is not as harsh and deadly as we thought it will be.
Some people may be nice about it and reject us with a smile on their face or in the kindest possible way. However, it is important that we don’t misinterpret their kindness for interest, for wanting us to try more, or for playing hard to get. No means no, even if it’s said with gifts and flowers.
If someone stopped answering your texts or calls and it’s not because they went missing or died, then chances are they just want to let go of you. So the more you will insist, find them and pester them more, the more it will be problematic. The more you push them, the more they will run and hide from you.
4- You don’t want to be the villain:
As tempting as it is to force someone to talk to you, it’s never a good idea. It can end up making you look like the villain. If you heard the version of events that the person you’re forcefully pursuing has to tell, you’d be shocked. They either tell the story while laughing as it makes you look like a joke. Or they say the story with a worried face and watery eyes because they’re genuinely done with you and feel harassed.
We all know that sometimes we’re not the best judges when blinded by lust, or other factors. Sometimes, we may come off as too aggressive, too pushy, or just over-the-top. But if we want others to engage with us and enjoy our company, we need to give them space. When dating, it is important that we make our move and allow space for the other person to do theirs. It’s like an elegant, playful, and seductive dance that consists of an exchange of moves. You can’t possibly be the only one dancing for so long and you still don’t get the hint about them not being interested.
When you’re trying to get someone interested in you, be mindful of your tone and body language. Try to be charming, open-minded, and caring but keep in mind that they might not be interested still or just not available, which is okay!
Keep in mind that someone shouldn’t be cornered and forced to yell at you to leave them alone. No response is a response. Sometimes, when someone ignores you, hides from you and noticeably avoids you: consider that they might want to be left alone!
5- You don’t want to get yourself in trouble:
It is important that you respect the person’s boundaries and not make them feel uncomfortable when trying to interact with them. During the dating stage or in romantic relationships, we usually get carried away and think that we have a right over our date or partner just because they have been showing interest too.
At any given moment your date or partner can choose to stop talking to you or to put an end to the relationship. Everyone is entitled to this, it is their right to choose what and who they want to let in their life. If they saw alarming red flags or simply changed their mind about you, even if you think it’s unjustified; you should still let them go.
Some people tend to forget that just because a person let them in too close, shared their bed or personal space for some time, doesn’t mean they have rights over that person.
Your date is never indebted to you, nor can you claim ownership of them in any way and force them to do interact with you or do something they don’t want. You might think they don’t know what they’re doing or that they’re a bad judge of character, in the end, they’re still the only qualified person to make decisions for themselves even if it was true!
They’re free to change their mind about you at any point and you should accept it and move on. Not accepting it is what has caused many to get in trouble and see themselves being forced by higher institutions or authorities to give space or stay away from their person of interest.
6- You save yourself from having a stinky reputation:
It’s never a good idea to force someone to talk to you. You may think nobody will find out and you can move on if they insist on ignoring you or asking you to leave them alone. However, thanks to social media the world has become a small tiny village where everybody knows everyone (or has 3 common friends with them at least).
So for your own good, think about why it’s better for your reputation and image not to harass someone or do anything that you’d be embarrassed by: if the rest of the world found out. Because the rest of the world can and will find out, one way or another. And, that’s including your future dates, future potential love interests, and any person that could’ve been your next partner!
And, that’s how you would’ve ruined not only your reputation but your chances with anyone else! Check out our article on why ignoring your ex and moving on can be powerful, if that’s the person you’re forcing into talking to you!