One of the most common reasons for marital discord is financial issues. The wife may feel that her husband does not respect her or is taking advantage of her when she has to equally share the financial burden or carry more of it than he does. This is normal and despite the rise of movements like feminism, it remains true that women would prefer their men to be able to financially provide or contribute to the household a lot more than they do.
That’s simply because anything else would be unfair given the fact that women singlehandedly go through the process of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. Now whether you agree or disagree with this thinking is not the point. If you’re here it means you have been losing respect for your unemployed husband and want to fix that before it tears the marriage down to pieces.
You can later check this article out to help you reflect on the advantages and disadvantages of being the couple’s main breadwinner.
Did you catch yourself resenting your unemployed husband?
It is not unusual for a woman to lose respect for her husband when he becomes unemployed, just sits at home and argues with her all the time. Clearly, if your couple is under financial strain, then both of you are gonna be stressed and will easily get irritated or annoyed by one another. This type of behavior combined with the lack of financial resources is the perfect recipe of disaster.
Regardless of how modern or open-minded we claim to be, there’s always an expectation that husbands will be the breadwinners and wives will be the homemakers. Women might feel as if they have lost their identity and become less confident and unsure about their ability to attract a high-value partner, in this scenario. When a husband loses his job or fails to find opportunities that will guarantee financial stability and security, his wife’s self-esteem gets affected equally.
How to deal with an unemployed husband and motivate him?
All hope is not lost. Imagine if your husband was less stressed, successful, financially stable, and caring, would you like him more and find him attractive? If your answer is yes, then you’re likely just going through a tough time in your marriage right now. It is not worth throwing the entire relationship away if you’re gonna be happier and more content with the same man when his situation change.
Instead what you can do until this tough phase in your life passes is what follows:
1- Have the talk with him, calmly and kindly:
It is important to sit your husband down, hold his hand and show signs of affection, and then talk to him. Tell him about the situation you both are in because he’s jobless. Explain without hurting his ego that you will be there for him, that it’s very temporary, and that it’s an emergency.
Explain to him that he has to stay focused on what matters, be organized, disciplined, and a better provider to gain more respect from everyone. Explain to him that a man can show his worth by working hard and being capable of sustaining his loved ones financially and that you’ll have his back until he can do that again.
2- Show him how easy it could be:
If your unemployed husband lost motivation, ambition, and drive then be there to resuscitate them. He might not show it to you but he’s probably panicking inside his head, stressing a lot, and freaking out. So much so that he can’t even think straight or know where to start to find another good job.
That’s where you come into play! Tell him where to start from: make sure his CV is up-to-date, tell him to create a linkedin account, and make him contact HR directors in companies that operate in his field of expertise.
Make him find opportunities online, and apply for vacancies all day long, encourage him to wear a nice suit, look presentable, and go for as many job interviews as he can. Make sure he puts his updated phone number on his CV, and make sure he never misses a call. Tell him about other people’s stories that found a good stable job or opportunity by applying online or contacting people through linkedin.
3- Tell him you love him:
The love for a woman can be powerful that people believed in the past that it could move mountains! If your husband only sees in your eyes how much you resent him and treat him badly, chances are he won’t feel motivated to do anything for you.
However, if you remind him gently of how much you love him and if you have nothing but faith in him reflecting in your eyes when you look at him, then he will want to move mountains for you.
A man will never be interested in proving his worth to a woman that will never perceive it no matter what he did. Instead, he will be willing to go out of his way and do the impossible to prove himself worthy to a woman that already thinks he’s unstoppable, amazing, and her entire world.
So tell him: ” I think you’re unstoppable. I know how amazing you can be. I know that you will find the best job out there and become financially stable for life if you work towards it!”
4- Tell him you’re stressed because of his current situation:
After showing him how much you love, care for him, and make him believe you wouldn’t change him for anything in the world, wait for the next day. Wait for a short amount of time to pass, then open up to him about how stressed you are that the two of you are in this situation.
Tell him that you will have his back and all but that you cannot hide your sadness either. Tell him that it makes you miserable to be in the situation you two are in. When a man thinks that the woman he’s with loves him unconditionally, he would do anything in his power to see a smile on her face.
5- Tell him how much happier you will be if he found a job:
Tall about how happy the two of you will become if he found a job. Make him visualize it. Talk about how you can pay off your debt and loans first, then save to do this specific thing or the other.
Talk about the possibility to travel together and go to exotic beautiful romantic places, when both of you have a financially stable life and can focus on other things. Visualizing things with another person is a powerful key to manifesting your future wishes and materializing your thoughts. So do it as often as you can!
Check out this article on why you should not accept the bare minimum in a relationship, as it will only ruin it! So don’t accept the situation and stay in a corner, instead follow the steps listed above, and all everything will be fine!