It’s not uncommon for people who’ve been through a breakup to feel lost and lonely. One of the most difficult things about breaking up is that you don’t just lose your partner; you also lose your best friend, confidant, and sometimes support system.
This is why there are many reasons why an ex might want you back. They might just have realized that they made a mistake by ending the relationship, or they might be feeling lonely after having lost someone that mattered so much to them.
In any case, in this article, we help you weigh your options and decide what to do if your ex wants you back.
What are your options when an ex wants you back?
1) What to consider if you’re gonna take your ex back?
Some people don’t have the confidence to approach their ex-partner and ask for a second chance. They might be afraid of being rejected and think about the possibility that the relationship will end up even worse than before. If your ex had enough courage and took the risk to ask you for a second chance, then they might genuinely think you two have good potential.
But, just because an ex has asked you back, doesn’t mean that you should jump straight into a renewed relationship with them, blindly. In this case, you should take about taking the appropriate steps to avoid having history repeat itself:
1- Make sure your ex knows what went wrong the first time:
First, find out what went wrong in your relationship and why you or your partner decided to end it initially, think about whether you’re both ready to change.
Are you both apologetic, willing to change, appreciative of one another, and coming back in a moment of weakness and sincere repentance? Or, are you or your partner being stubborn, defensive, argumentative, or difficult whenever your reasons for the break-up come up or a similar discussion is open.
Only after being both apologetic, sincerely sorry, and willing to change can you think about what changes you need to do to meet halfway. If your ex was unhappy with some things about your character or personality then try and change them. If you were unhappy with something, in particular, try to make sure that they’re open to changing that aspect of themselves for the better.
Don’t leave any stone unturned and discuss all the details of what needs to change, without conflict. Even if it’s a small thing like taking out the trash without being asked or cooking dinner once a week. If you succeed in having this conversation without arguments and reach an agreement, then that’s a good first step and you can consider going back to them if that’s what you want.
2- Make sure you both state your boundaries clearly and deal-breakers:
The second time around; you’re not going to take any chances or leave anything to luck. Name the things that you will not get over or forgive and state clearly what your boundaries and deal-breakers are in the relationship. For inspiration, you can later check our article on the most common unforgivable things in a relationship.
You can also choose to read our article on how to set healthy boundaries in a relationship later. Boundaries in relationships can be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual.
They act as a boundary between the two people and help them understand what is okay and not okay to do with the other person. Without boundaries, it is easy for one person to take advantage of the other or for both people to feel misunderstood, hurt, or crossed by their partner even if it’s unintentional.
3- No third chances:
Make it very clear that if your boundaries or deal-breakers are not respected then you will walk away once and for good this time. In fact, you must walk away in that case, because accepting something you clearly clarified that you’re not going to accept is gonna open a cycle of abuse and make you look like you have no standards.
You can later check this article on why accepting the bare minimum when dating or in a relationship will only ever backfire on you. So be ready to leave and take yourself away from any type of disrespect if your ex doesn’t respect the conditions you have set for a second chance.
Understand that whether or not you want to forgive them, is not going to be open for discussion the third time and you will have to walk away regardless of how you feel about them. That’s what you’ll have to do if you have enough self-respect and confidence to remove yourself from a guaranteed toxic cycle.
2) What to consider if you’re not gonna take your ex back:
The first thing you need to do if you’re not going to take your ex back is to figure out whether you’re done for good with them for certain. Make sure you won’t be the one thinking of how to get back with them a week or month after having rejected their request for a second chance today. Your decision not to take an ex back should be final and strict.
If you say “no” the first time you’re asked for a second chance, then you will have no right to keep playing with their feelings and waiting for them to find someone new or start moving on to interfere.
Also, if you are able to identify the problem that has caused your break-up and admit your share of mistakes and blame for that then you can use this knowledge to be stronger. If you’re not sure what you did wrong or have some questions your ex has left unanswered, then it might be wise to ask them for all the answers before you decide not to take them back. Sometimes, rarely though, break-ups are nothing but big misunderstandings and rashed decisions that were made by people with big egos in the heat of the moment.
So it’s always a good idea to ask your ex questions if you were hurt or if they did something that you didn’t see coming. Try to understand their motives and what pushed them to act in that specific way and take some time to think before you decide you don’t want them back. However, once you do decide that you don’t want them back then you have to let them go forever and focus on starting the next chapter of your life too.