When the relationship is at its best, it’s difficult to imagine life without your partner. You support each other, share your pain and joy, and every moment together feels like magic.
However, feelings change over time as do people. That means things won’t always be great. That’s okay, relationships ebb and flow. What’s not okay is feeling stuck in a relationship or trapped in a relationship, that’s no longer going anywhere. Perhaps you no longer love your partner and you want out of the relationship.
That’s a difficult realization to make and it’s an even more difficult conversation to have. You don’t want to hurt their feelings, you just want both of you to be free to find love again. That’s why today, we will show you how to tell someone you don’t love them anymore in 5 gentle ways. This will soften the blow a little bit and make way for a healthy farewell.
5 Gentle Ways to Tell Someone You Don’t Love Them:
1- Explain what has changed and how you feel:
Breakups are hurtful by nature but when you’re dishonest, it makes things worse. “It’s not you, it’s me” is not what your partner wants to hear. You should explain what has changed without placing any blame and be honest about how you feel.
Perhaps you’ve changed and you can’t keep giving them what they need. Maybe you don’t want to keep forcing things to work; you both tried your best but you can’t give each other what you deserve anymore. Whatever it is, make it clear that your feelings changed without being harsh.
2- Don’t give your relationship an autopsy:
It’s not uncommon for partners to ask for details after you explain that your feelings have changed. This often happens when your partner still has feelings for you or there’s no big issue causing you to break up, you’ve just grown apart. Though you might want to give them what they’re asking for, it may cause unnecessary pain.
You’re under no obligation to give your relationship an autopsy and it’s not productive anyway. If you do go into excruciating detail, it may lead to blame or your partner insisting that you can work things out.
If you don’t want that to happen, don’t dissect the issues that led to this point. Telling your partner that you don’t feel the same and why is enough, there’s no need to pour salt on the wound.
3- Keep everything neutral:
Telling someone you don’t love them is hard enough, whether you’re on the same page or not. The last thing you want to do is make it even harder by saying the wrong thing or using the wrong tone. This is why it’s important to keep things neutral and avoid placing blame on anyone.
Neither of you could’ve helped this and it’s important to make that clear. Assigning blame is unnecessary and also pointless. Whatever happened, happened, and you’re having this conversation to move on, not to dwell on the past or fight about it.
4- Do not open the door to hope:
Though we never know what may happen in the future, it’s important not to give your partner false hope.
It’s tempting to open that door and say things like “maybe things will change for me in the future” or “I just need some time, but maybe we can try again.” Ultimately, this means nothing because you don’t know the future.
It’s unfair to give your partner something to hold onto because you think it will make them feel better. In the long run, it will make things worse for them. You want them to move on too, so if you don’t think there’s any hope, make sure they know that. Be firm but kind. Your partner should know that your decision is final.
5- Show them how you feel:
Breakups are incredibly emotional, so you may feel the need to detach yourself from the conversation. However, that will come off as cruel. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes, how would you feel if they were nonchalant about ending the relationship?
If you’re feeling sad, be honest about it. This is a loss for you too; you have so many memories together and you loved each other so much at one point.
Don’t keep it close to the vest; share your feelings and allow your partner to do the same. You can hurt together during the conversation and come out of it without an emotional burden.
Telling someone you don’t love them anymore is never easy, but keeping a relationship on life support is awful.
If you no longer feel the same or if the relationship has run its course despite your best efforts, it’s time to let go. Doing it gently and with respect will make it a little easier! You can also check our article on the boundaries needed to be friends with an ex, if you decided to turn your relationship into a friendship.