What if my partner & I never have meaningful talks?

my boyfriend and i never talk

Being able to have deep, meaningful conversations with your boyfriend is one of the most important things in a healthy relationship. Without open communication, it’s impossible to build something great together. You need to get to know each other and you do that by talking about anything and everything. 

To determine if you’re compatible, you need some insight into his values, priorities, and goals in life. Additionally, it’s important to know each other’s likes and dislikes, discuss your interests, and see where you stand on social issues, among other things. 

The importance of meaningful conversations in a relationship:

Granted, not everyone likes to talk for hours on end every single day. However, when someone is interested in you, things are different. When you truly like someone, you want to know everything about the kind of person they are and explore their mind and ideas over and over again.

That’s because relationships shouldn’t and have never been limited to the physical or superficial aspect. They’re also about liking that person’s mind, life philosophy, thinking, goals, priorities, core values, etc.

The good news is that meaningful conversations can be created. There are several things you can do to initiate communication and get the ball rolling if your boyfriend is up for it. So, let’s explore your options!

5 Tips if your boyfriend and you don’t have meaningful conversations:

1- Ask interesting questions:

Basic questions such as “how are you?” or “how was your day?” will only get you so far, especially if your boyfriend is not super talkative. However, asking more interesting and engaging questions will work like a charm. 

You can ask basic questions to know how they’re doing and all, but you should take it up a notch after that. Here are some examples:

  • What are you most excited about in your life right now?
  • What was the highlight of your day? / month? / year?
  • Did you learn something new in the last month?
  • Did you see anything interesting during the day?

2- Ask follow-up questions:

If you find that conversations with your boyfriend always come to an unsatisfying end, this can help. When you’re already talking about something, instead of just nodding along, ask follow-up questions. One thing will lead to another and, before you know it, a couple of hours have gone by and you’re still chatting away. 

Asking questions like “How did that make you feel?” “What did you think about that?” “Has this ever happened to you before?” will keep the conversation going. Follow-up questions should be in line with what you’re already talking about and they serve to extend the topic of conversation and dig deeper. 

3- Spice things up:

Sometimes, couples come to a point where they know everything about each other. This makes it seem like there’s nothing more to talk about. However, that’s far from the truth. We all have complex inner worlds and we have gone through so many experiences, that it’s impossible to get to know each other 100%. 

That’s why spicing things up and trying new things together can make a huge difference in communication. Shared experiences will lead to new topics of conversation, new stories, new memories to share, and new sides of yourselves to explore. 

4- Be an active listener:

This is very important if you want to have meaningful conversations. If you don’t pay attention to what your boyfriend is saying, he can feel ignored or discouraged to open up. This can get in the way of your conversations. So, practice being an active listener and you’ll make your boyfriend feel heard.

Look your partner in the eye when they’re talking, and give him minimal verbal or nonverbal signs of encouragement to continue talking. Pitch in and volunteer your own opinions or new information to maintain the flow of the conversation, show your emotions, and ask questions. In other words, be present and the conversations will go from surface-level to meaningful. 

5- Complete a questionnaire together:

If neither of you ever know what to talk about, doing a questionnaire can help. Likewise, using conversation prompts will help you have deeper conversations. This is a great way to learn a lot about each other and the good news is that they’re free!

Pinterest is a good place to start, but there are many other options. There’s a really good questionnaire that’s perfect for meaningful conversation. It’s known as “the 36 questions that lead to love” and it’s full of interesting, deep questions. 

The set of questions was developed in the 1990s by psychologists and researchers to see if they could lead to an intimate connection. The experiment went viral in 2015 when someone wrote an essay about their experience with the questionnaire, which is how they met the love of their life.

Even if you don’t get the same outcome, it’s still a great way to get to know someone better! However, if you want even more questions or if you want to start with a set of 4 questions and no more to first introduce this aspect to your relationship then check this out. These are deep questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend with details about what each one will teach you about them and their character. So good luck!

Conclusion:

Connecting on a physical level is great, but it’s also important to connect at an intellectual and emotional level.

That can’t happen if you never have anything to say to each other. So, work on it together! If it turns out you have nothing in common, you’ll be free to find a better match. 

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