Do you feel like you’re always the outsider in your family? Perhaps you think they ignore you or fail to include you in things. Some days, it even feels like they just don’t care about you at best, or are even holding you back at worst. That can hurt a lot and it can lead to many issues for you.
Neglect is a form of abuse and it can lead to anxiety and depression. If you feel like you’re being left out and your family is not doing its role in your life, it’s important to get help. However, it’s not always easy to identify red flags within a family dynamic.
That’s why today we want to discuss 5 signs your family is holding you back so you can have a better understanding of what’s going on. This will help you determine to what extent your family is essentially failing you so you can be able to talk about it clearly, decide what to do about it, and get the help you need.
5 Signs your family is holding you back:
1- They consistently cross your limits:
Putting limits between yourself and other people is key to developing healthy relationships of any kind. Boundaries act as “stop signs” that communicate what is and is not acceptable to you. They allow you to feel safer and they also help you maintain a sense of self and autonomy. If your family consistently crosses your limits, that’s a big red flag.
For example, you ask family members not to stop by unannounced and respect your time but they do it anyway. Moreover, they make you feel guilty for saying something about it and enforcing your boundaries.
Just because you’re family doesn’t mean they’re entitled to your time and attention whenever they please. When they constantly cross your boundaries, they’re prioritizing their needs and emotions while dismissing your own. That’s not okay.
2- They’re distant unless they need something:
When your family members are distant unless they need something from you, that can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. If you notice this pattern of behavior, it’s very important to talk about it and express how you feel.
This is not a healthy relationship dynamic and it’s important to communicate what you need to make things change. If your family won’t hear or respect your requests, the best thing you can do is step back and distance yourself from people who never show up for you.
3- They always exclude you:
If your family always excludes you from family events, celebrations, and major milestones, that’s a big sign they don’t care about you. Additionally, they don’t show up when you invite them to major milestones, birthdays, and events that are important to you. These are warning signs that you should be aware of and they stand out.
When you notice these things are happening, you should bring up the issue and try to find a solution if possible. If they are not interested in solving anything, you should distance yourself. Remember, you have to protect yourself and your mental health. Don’t waste your energy on people who don’t make nearly the same effort as you.
4- They always cancel on you
Though people indeed lead busy lives and sometimes it’s difficult to do everything you want to do, there’s a difference between that and not prioritizing quality time with the people you love. If your family always cancels on you and they don’t make any effort to see you, that means they don’t care much about you.
That’s painful to realize, but it’s important to accept it if that’s the case. Many other people in your life are happy to spend time with you and they don’t make you feel like you’re inconveniencing them. Of course, you can bring up this issue to your family and see where that goes. If it doesn’t go anywhere, step away from them.
5- They don’t make time for you:
When we care about someone and love them, we make time for them without being asked to. Our time is our most precious resource so it’s the most valuable gift we can give to people we love. If your family is never there and they never make time for you just because they miss you, that’s a red flag.
We all choose how to spend our free time. If you’re never on their priority list, it’s a sign they don’t care much about you. So, ask yourself, does your family make time for you the same way you make time for them?
You can talk about it because maybe they don’t realize what they’re doing. Do they ever give a sweet word of encouragement, worry about what you’re doing, where you’re at, buy you a gift occasionally, or do they only care when it’s about them?
If you bring it up and they still don’t care, you might want to face the fact that they don’t deserve to be in your life.
Being aware of the signs your family is holding you back matters, in fact, you can check our article on signs your family doesn’t care about you too. It is very important to protect yourself and your energy.
Though we don’t get to choose the family we’re born into, we do get to choose who has access to our lives!