You love your husband to bits and you know that he loves you too. However, you cannot understand why he gets so angry when you ask for help. Does he have no compassion? Surely he must realize how difficult it is for you to manage everything on your own.
You would do anything for him, so why can’t he do the same for you? The situation is frustrating and you hope that someday he will be able to see things from your perspective.
Until then, you will continue to do your best and hope that he will eventually come around. And we will give you 4 possible reasons why he is acting this way:
4 reasons your husband gets angry when you ask for help:
1- He thinks you don’t appreciate his efforts:
If your husband gets mad when you ask for help, it might be because he thinks you don’t appreciate his efforts. Maybe, he feels like you don’t appreciate his role in the relationship and that you’re always looking for ways to make him feel like he’s not good enough.
The reality is that if you do appreciate his efforts, then you have to tell him and give him credit for whatever it is he does. Maybe he’s the breadwinner or maybe he helps with other chores around the house even though you still need a little more help sometimes. In the end, try to admit that he’s a big help first then later or after a couple of days: ask for more help with something else and see if it works.
It’s important to communicate with your husband and let him know that you value his contributions to the relationship. Let him know that you’re not looking for ways to make him feel bad or worthless, but that you simply need a little more help. This will get him to understand your perspective and hopefully, he’ll be more open to helping out around the house.
2- He feels overwhelmed and going through a stressful phase:
It can be frustrating when you feel like you’re always the one doing all the work around the house. You might ask your husband for help, only to have him get angry or even accuse you of implying that he’s lazy. The truth is, he’s probably just feeling overwhelmed and anxious.
When we already feel like we’re failing our partner, it’s easy to lash out and think they have no right to blame us for anything. This is because we might not be in a good place physically or mentally to provide more help anyway. So instead of getting defensive, try to talk to him about why you’re both feeling overwhelmed.
See if he is feeling physically or mentally too drained to do anything around the house, then when you ask him it will just anger him and make him feel like he’s failing you.
Maybe if you can support him and see if he’s himself going through a tough phase at work, then everything will make more sense. In this case, you can help him get through this tough phase first and get him on his feet, then you can later find a way to divide up the chores more evenly. Or maybe he just needs some time to relax and de-stress. Whatever the case may be, open communication is key to solving any problem.
3- He thinks you’re ungrateful:
It can be annoying when you ask your husband for help and he gets angry. However, one of the main reasons he might be acting that way is if he thinks you’re ungrateful and will never be pleased with anything he does for you.
If your husband is doing his absolute best to provide you with a good lifestyle or if he’s already under a lot of stress from trying to meet all your needs, then asking for help around the house might just be the last straw.
It could be that you just need a break and could use some help without being judged. But, don’t take it personally. Men usually have a lot of pride; which means they are more sensitive to this type of comment because they want to be the best possible partners, and fathers and excel in every role they’re given. So when you ask for help, it’s as if you’re not grateful for all the other roles that your significant other is playing already.
Talk to your partner and let him know that it’s not good to be jumping to conclusions and thinking there’s more to every word you say. Tell him needing help simply means that I need help at times. It has nothing to do with anything else.
4- He thinks you’re hard to please:
Though he would never admit it, your husband might be getting angry when you ask for help because he feels like he can never do enough for you. He thinks the marriage is a lost cause and no matter how much labor work he puts in by helping around the house, you will never go back to how you were when you two were dating.
Maybe he’s upset with how much you changed over the months and years and how much everything you do has become boring and predictable. He wants the old you back. The version of you that is so fun, unpredictable, and a little out of control. Maybe, he’s desperate for even just a smile, but it seems like you’re so over everything especially since you feel exhausted from all the work and duties you have to do.
It’s never a good thing to make your husband feel like no matter what he does, it’s not enough to make you smile, have fun, and show affection love, or even passion for him. He thinks you’re hard to please, and he doesn’t want to keep disappointing you but he also deserves a rewarding kiss or “I love you” when he does something for you. Don’t think that these things are negligible or that they go unnoticed.
So the next time you need help, try speaking to him calmly and sitting on his lap with your arms around his neck to explain how tired it makes you to do it all. Maybe showing some affection is all your relationship needs. If you feel that your husband doesn’t do anything special for you to encourage this type of behavior and romance then you could take the first step and see if he reciprocates.
Assuring him that you’re not expecting perfection with a little kiss, will go a long way in easing his mind. In fact, you can check this article out on how important reassurance can be for a relationship.
Asking for help from your husband can feel like walking on eggshells, especially if you already had a couple of arguments around it. Sometimes he can get angry when you request assistance, even though you know he’s capable of handling the task.
It can be challenging to try to figure out how to get what you need without making your husband feel like he’s not good enough. However, if you follow the advice given in this article and understand that communication is key in any relationship you will be able to get past this.
It’s important to express your needs to your husband in a way that is respectful and understanding. With patience and some trial and error, you’ll likely find a way to ask for help from your husband that works well for both of you.