Is it normal to have doubts in a relationship?

is it normal to have doubts in a relationship

Though it doesn’t have to happen all the time, having doubts in a relationship is normal in most cases. It just means that your brain is trying to process something new, something you’re not used to, and it starts overthinking every scenario.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that you suddenly stopped loving your partner. But in any case, it’s understandable that you don’t want it to become a habit and you refuse to feel this way too often about your relationship.

So, if this is starting to become a problem you have then we suggest trying to analyze what’s the reason behind your doubts, so you can clear them away.

A few possible reasons for doubts in a relationship:

1. It can be due to a sudden change in your life:

We all are guided by our habits, it’s what makes us feel comfortable and safe, and that involves every aspect of our life. So, if you are a creature of habit, who really struggles with change, try to think if your relationship is going through something different or new. The truth is, if your relationship has reached a stagnant point where it has stayed for some time, then you probably got used to the way things were.

You know perfectly well what to expect and how to react to every situation. You even got it aligned with your routine. Now, your relationship is moving forward, which is a good thing, but it still makes you feel unsettled and your first reaction could be to have cold feet.

It could be that you decided to move in together, move to another city together, or even got engaged. All those new life events will force you to restructure a big part of your life, thus forcing you to leave your comfort zone.

To avoid having doubts that could ruin a good relationship, try to stay focused on the good things that these changes will bring. Remember that it’s a good thing for a relationship to move forward. It’s for the best!

2. You could be under a lot of stress:

Stress is probably no stranger to you, but it can still catch you by surprise. When we feel excessively stressed it can affect our mental health and our good thinking process. Usually, when we feel stressed about something, it’s very easy to become stressed about everything else, and that includes your relationship.

If you are experiencing a lot of stress, your relationship can be negatively affected either because your partner doesn’t feel like they get enough attention from you, or you are not able to give them the best version of yourself. In this case, you start having doubts about if you should even be in that relationship because it’s another thing that you have to worry about constantly.

If this is the case, try to think about the true source of your stress. Only then will you be able to address it properly. Even if you can’t solve everything right away it will bring you to a state of mind where you know exactly what’s bothering you and are now able to see that your relationship wasn’t the problem.

3. It can come from past experiences:

If you are having doubts about your present relationship, you must think about why your past relationships ended. Sometimes, your current partner didn’t could be innocent and hasn’t done anything that would make you doubt them.

You literally have no reason to think that they don’t love you, but you are just assuming that it is the case and you get doubtful about your own feelings after thinking about it for too long.

This type of thinking could come from the fact that you had experiences in the past where this exact scenario has happened. So now to avoid heartache you’re trying to get out of it before your partner confronts you first.

If you had a relationship in the past that has ended abruptly then you could’ve developed trust issues. Maybe, you feel like you were caught by surprise then, so now, you are on a constant lookout for signs that your current partner will lose interest in you. Check this article out later for ways to stop sabotaging our good relationships because of our past or other issues we had that are independent of them.

Should these doubts become very prominent in your mind, you need to talk about them with your partner. Share what’s troubling you and explain that it comes from your past experiences. It could be very useful for your partner to find out and this way you can also tell them what they can do to make you feel more secure.

4. You might be using paranoia as a defense mechanism:

Another reason why you might be having doubts about your relationship is that you are afraid to commit to something serious. If you are already aware of this, that’s a great step ahead, but if you are oblivious to the fact that you have commitment problems, you need to look into it more and see if it’s the case for you. And if it is, then look for the source too. 

It could be that you have had a trauma in your past that now prevents you from being emotionally intimate with someone, but that’s not all. Sometimes, witnessing trauma in a close family member at a very early age could make you create defense mechanisms to prevent it in the future.

In any case, only when you get rid of your trauma or learn to deal with it healthily, you can have a fulfilling relationship without any doubts. It’s not always easy to do this, but try to share your fears with your partner, so they know how to best help you.

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