It’s always a bit awkward when you break up with someone and then have to go through the process of dividing up your belongings. Even if the breakup is amicable, it can be tough to let go of physical reminders of your former relationship.
So many exes would rather go collect them, even if it means having to show their faces to a person that may have broken their heart recently. However, for other exes leaving their stuff behind is done on purpose, for a variety of reasons
Whatever the reason, dealing with an ex’s leftover belongings can be a tricky situation. If you’re not sure why some exes leave their stuff behind, here are a few possibilities to consider depending on your specific situation.
5 reasons why exes leave their stuff behind:
1- They truly forgot their things behind:
After a break-up, it’s pretty common for one or both parties to leave some of their things behind with the other person or under their roof. And while it might seem like a passive-aggressive way to act after a break-up, there are actually a few situations where this happens simply because the person truly forgot their stuff behind.
In fact, one person may simply forget to take their stuff when they move out. Nothing less or more, no mind games being played and definitely no attempt to create a card or excuse to use against the other person by coming back repetitively to their place. Some people will simply forget their stuff, and they won’t even bother looking for it, coming back for it, or even asking about it, ever.
Or maybe if they left behind expensive or valuable items that they simply forgot then they may reach out, and discreetly come for them and go, with no fuss. And, most importantly without attempting to talk or even see the ex in question. That’s when you know they truly just wanted their things and nothing more.
After going through such an emotionally charged experience, it’s not uncommon for people to forget about some of their belongings in the heat of the moment. The key thing though is to not cause a scene if they come back for them nor try to use them as an excuse to have an opportunity to talk or get a second chance with their ex. That’s how you know that they only just wanted their stuff, which is fair!
2- They want to give you a reason to reach out to them first:
Obviously, if you find yourself stuck with a pile of leftover belongings from your ex, it can be hard to know what to do. However, in most cases, that ex would have assumed that you at least will have the decency to reach out and ask them to come for their stuff once you calm down after the break-up.
Unless the break-up was an ugly and extremely hot mess, then nobody has a reason to throw out their ex’s stuff, the next day. Clearly, this has happened before, but most people are nicer about it and would simply call or text the ex to come to get their things. This is especially true if the break-up was amicable.
In this scenario, the exes that leave their things behind might be hoping that you’ll reach out to them to return the items. By leaving their things behind, they’re giving you an opportunity to initiate contact and potentially start repairing the relationship.
When you reach out to them, it could indicate that they have a chance to talk calmly and maybe succeed in rekindling the relationship when they go to supposedly “collect their stuff”. But you can choose not to and not make this possible if you’re no longer on speaking terms. All you’ll do, in the latter scenario, is send you a text message and give instructions on how they can get their belongings still; but without the chance of meeting again.
3- They’re not ready to fully cut ties with you:
It’s not uncommon for an ex to create a million excuses to talk to the person they just broke up with. It could be that they’re apparently not even trying to get a second chance at being with them. But, they’d still reach out for every single excuse in the book.
In this case, an ex could simply be subconsciously trying to keep a part of you in their life. Whether they realize it or not, seeing reminders of you on a daily basis and being able to talk to you for any reason, can help them gradually get over you. It can help them feel less alone and cope with the break-up in a healthy way.
In fact, most people will find it difficult to cut ties overnight with someone that meant so much to them, only a day or a week ago. So next time your ex leaves their stuff behind, try not to get too angry. They could just be trying to deal with the situation in the best way they know how.
Maybe they’re using their belongings’ as a card to force you to talk to them when they don’t even care that much about the stuff they abandoned, in the first place. All it could be is a way to keep in touch and gradually take you out of your life, rather than brutally and suddenly uproot you, overnight.
4- They’re desperate to get back together:
Obviously, one reason that we have to mention as to why exes leave their stuff behind is simply that they are desperate to get back together. They think that leaving their things behind would be a good first step to get there. In this case, they know that you would probably have to see them again to give them their stuff and they are hoping that you will use that opportunity to get back together.
Even if you don’t, then they’ll be ready to use that opportunity themselves to ask for a second chance and talk about how much they still have feelings for you.
Either way, it is a manipulative move and not the best way of going about trying to get a second chance with someone. So it is best to arrange for someone else to be with them and give them their stuff if they really claim to be dying for it.
Then only, they will be forced to be more creative and original in thinking of asking for a second chance. They’ll have to take accountability for their actions and show a willingness to change, rather than use their stuff as an excuse to lure you into a new relationship.
Check this article out for a better idea of how a decent person should ask for a second chance at a relationship, when they want one, without using lies and excuses.
5- They are hoping that their stuff will remind you of them:
Sometimes, all that the exes want by leaving their stuff behind is to remind you of them, and make it hard for you to move on. That’s because they think that looking at their stuff and having it laying around will remind you of them.
This will mean that they’re manipulative and toxic. They don’t care about how difficult having their stuff around may make your life, just as long as they achieve their ends.
Whatever the reason, it’s always best to get rid of their stuff as soon as possible, especially if they’re not collecting it promptly but using it as a card against you every day, in some way. Not only will it help you move on, but it will also help you to avoid any unwanted confrontations too.
So if you find yourself faced with a pile of your ex’s stuff, don’t be afraid to get rid of it for good, unless they really only care about the stuff and want to come to get it quickly and disappear. If they never come for it, you could keep it, give it away, or throw it out.
It really depends on how sentimental you are and how much space you have in your place. Just remember, it’s okay to let go of things and people that no longer serve a purpose in your life. In fact, you can check this article out on why keeping your ex’s stuff is a bad idea and may make you feel like you’re still connected to your ex for a long time after the break-up, which is not healthy!