We all know the feeling: you’re sitting across from your partner, and they’re telling you about their day… but for some reason, you just can’t seem to open up.
It’s not that you don’t want to share your own thoughts and feelings: it’s just that, for whatever reason, the words don’t seem to come out.
Being able to open up to your partner is an important part of any relationship. It can be difficult, however, to know how to start opening up. If you’re finding it hard to open up, there might be a few reasons that are getting in the way.
Why can’t you open up to your partner?
1- You’re afraid of being judged:
One reason you may not feel comfortable opening up to your partner is that you’re scared of judgment. You worry that if they knew the real you, they wouldn’t be able to accept you. So instead, you put on a facade and try to become the person you think they want you to be. But in doing so, you’re only causing yourself more pain.
It’s important to remember that your partner loves you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. They would much rather know the real you than have a false idea of who you are. So don’t be scared of judgment: be brave and open up to the one you love.
So if you’re afraid of being judged, or altering your partner’s idea of you and the perfect image that they have of who you are, then think about whether you want to live in a lie forever. Would you rather be free to be who you truly are with your partner or live your life pretending, hiding things, and faking everything?
2- You’re scared of exposing yourself fully:
Another reason why you might not be able to open up completely to your partner is that you’re scared of exposing yourself fully. It’s scary to let someone see all of who you are, warts and all. What if they don’t like what they see? What if they reject you? But at the same time, isn’t that better than living a lie, again?
Maybe you’re afraid that if your partner really saw all the sides of you, they wouldn’t be able to love you. But isn’t it better to find out if they do love you: warts and all; than to never know? The only way to find out is to take the plunge and expose yourself fully. It might be scary, but it’s worth it.
If you find it difficult to do that then, try to take baby steps: instead of sharing your deepest secrets right away, start with something small and innocuous. This will help you get used to the feeling of being vulnerable with your partner, which brings us to the next point:
3- You don’t want to be vulnerable:
Another thing to consider as to why you find it hard to open up to your partner is that you don’t want to be vulnerable, or you don’t want to seem weak and needy.
Whatever you think your partner will think of you, or whatever negative qualities you think they will associate with you; you’re probably wrong. Being able to share your real opinions and deepest thoughts or even traumatic events from your past; can only be proof of how strong and brave you are. It can also help them see your emotional and relatable side; which will probably bring you closer.
It’s important to remember that being open and honest with your partner is an essential part of any relationship. Without communication, it’s impossible to truly connect with someone. So if you’re finding it difficult to open up, try to start associating “opening up” with positive qualities. It can never be a sign of weakness or vulnerability, it’s quite the opposite!
It might be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through changing the way you perceive opening up to loved ones.
4- You just met recently:
Remember that it takes time to build trust: if you’ve only been together for a short while, it’s understandable that you might not feel completely comfortable sharing everything just yet. Give yourself time and do not rush to open up to your partner until you’re fully ready and can trust them with the information you give them.
After all, opening up to someone new or too soon can feel like you’re oversharing, which will make you feel uneasy and even regretful afterward. Indeed, it can be difficult to share personal details with someone you don’t know very well. You may not trust them yet, or you may feel like you’re not doing yourself any favors by giving them information that they can weaponize against you in arguments or in front of others.
That’s why if you’ve only been dating for a short time, it’s perfectly normal to take things slow and ease into deeper conversations. Just remember that the more you share, the closer you’ll become.
5- Your partner didn’t open up to you either:
Finally, it can be hard to open up to your partner if they’ve never really done it themselves. It feels like you’re the only one who’s ever really sharing anything and it gets worrying.
You want to be able to trust them and feel like they’re invested in the relationship too, but it’s hard when they also never seem to open up about anything. Not only that but If your partner remains tight-lipped about their own life, it can almost become suspicious. This can make you feel like you’re carrying the relationship all by yourself. So why should you have to share everything when they’re not willing to do the same? It’s not fair.
But then again, maybe your partner also has a hard time opening up. Maybe they feel like they need to be the strong one all the time, or like they have to protect you from their problems. Either way, it can be tough to break down those barriers and really let your partner in.
It’s worth it though because when you finally do open up to each other, it’s an amazing feeling. You’ll feel closer than ever before, and you’ll be able to face anything together. Hopefully in time, as you both get more comfortable with each other, you’ll be able to share more of your inner thoughts and feelings.