It’s safe to say almost all of us have loved people who have hurt us at one point or another.
We bet there’s someone in your life right now who has hurt you before but you love them all the same. Why is that? Well, today we will explore 6 reasons why we sometimes love people who hurt us.
So why do we love people who hurt us?
1. We think they can change:
One of the big reasons we love people who hurt us is that we think they can change. They’re not all bad, so we believe that they can do better than that. That might be true, but if they choose not to, you have to let go of them. If they are incapable of working on themselves and they continue to hurt you over and over, you need to walk away.
It’s not good for you to stay in that kind of relationship. If you love and respect them, they should do the same. The fact that they’re not willing to treat you with respect consistently or worry about hurting your feelings more should be enough for you to kick them out of your life. If you’ve given them more chances than you can count, enough is enough.
2. We think we deserve it:
It’s not uncommon for people with low self-esteem to believe they deserve to be treated badly. If you don’t love yourself as much as you’re willing to love others, people can take advantage of that. They will take all your love and give nothing in return.
In the meantime, you think that’s okay because you don’t think you deserve better. But you do! You deserve to be loved in return. If you always allow friends, partners, or family to treat you badly, they will never stop. They haven’t earned your unconditional love, so don’t give it to them, give it to yourself.
3. We fear being alone:
The fear of being alone can make us do crazy things, such as loving people who don’t treat us well because we think no one else will be with us. However, it’s important to understand that being alone is better than being hurt over and over again.
Being alone can be amazing, though. Society has taught us to believe that if we don’t have a thousand friends or a steady partner then we’re not worth much. But that’s not true. We recommend you learn to spend time with yourself doing things you enjoy so you can overcome this fear and stop giving your love to people who don’t deserve it.
4. They manipulate us:
Sometimes, the people we love can be very manipulative. They know that hurting you is not right but they also know that no one will love them as you do. So, they find ways to manipulate you into staying with them. Whether that’s guilt-tripping you or gaslighting you into thinking it’s always your fault.
It’s very important to be aware of common manipulation tactics if you want to avoid this kind of people. Once again, they don’t deserve your love and devotion. You need to be brave and open your eyes to the fact that they are not good people.
5. We think it’s easier:
We often go back to people who hurt us because it’s easy. You’ve been through so much together, so you don’t think you can find that connection with anyone else.
Well, you will, and when you do, the connection will be a lot better than what you have now with this harmful person. The people who truly love you won’t hurt you on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. Instead, they will take good care of your feelings.
6. We think we need them:
It’s not uncommon to feel like you depend on the person you love. So, no matter how much they hurt you, you don’t feel like you can leave them. However, you need to understand that your emotional needs are not being met. In fact, they’re being trampled over.
A person who’s constantly hurting you doesn’t care about your emotional and psychological wellbeing. They have little empathy for you, so they don’t care how much they hurt you. That’s just not right and you will do better without them.
One of the most important things to understand here is that we have to set limits. People indeed make mistakes and they hurt us without meaning to. That kind of offense is easy to forgive, especially if they promise they will do better and actually deliver on that promise.
However, if someone is constantly hurting you in different ways, it means that they’re making that choice. It’s not a mistake, it’s a decision. In that case, you need to learn when to walk away even if you love them!