6 Steps to walk away from a friend with benefits

walk away from a friend with benefits

Having a friend with benefits is great until it isn’t. At some point in your life, you’re done with dating and you just want someone to explore and enjoy some sexy time with. There’s nothing wrong with that and many people are very happy with this dynamic. 

However, the moment you’re not into it anymore, it’s important that you walk away discreetly. You might be tempted to ghost them, especially if this friend is not a part of your inner circle. But that’s not the right thing to do. 

Why you have to end it with respect:

If you’ve shown each other respect throughout your “friends with benefits” relationship, you have to end it with respect. Additionally, you shouldn’t burn bridges or cause hard feelings and bad blood unnecessarily. 

So, if you’re over your friend with benefits whether because you want to focus on yourself or because you’ve met someone you’d like to have a relationship with, ending things properly will allow you to still be friends. Or, even if you don’t remain friends, at least you won’t be out for each other’s blood nor will you hold grudges for decades.

So to help you do that, let’s go through the 6 steps to gradually walk away from a friend with benefits without ruining the friendship entirely. 

6 Steps to “Break Up” with a friend with benefits:

1. Just be honest:

Being honest is the best way to end things with your friend with benefits. If they’re not a part of your inner circle, you don’t have to think about seeing them all the time or worry about making things awkward. 

Start small; the next time they reach out, say you’re busy or you’re not feeling like yourself that day. If you do that enough times, your friend with benefits might get the hint. If they don’t, you can move on to the next step. 

2. Don’t make a big deal out of it:

The nature of a friends-with-benefits relationship is that there are no strings attached. Everything is light and easy; that’s how it’s supposed to be. You’ve both agreed there are no feelings involved, just sex and a good time. So, when it’s time to end things, don’t make a big deal out of it. 

You’re not breaking up with a long-term partner, you’re just stepping back from this agreement you both made because you don’t want to be a part of it anymore. You don’t owe them a detailed explanation; just say why you want to stop and that’s all. If they try to bargain with you, make it clear that’s not an option. 

3. Talk it out:

If the relationship with your friend with benefits has somehow crossed over to somewhat of a real relationship, you might need to have a proper conversation with them. Explain how it was never your intention to have this casual relationship turn into something else. 

Tell them you understand if they may have developed feelings, but you haven’t and you don’t see them that way. You enjoyed having fun with them and being friends, but you’re not interested in anything more than that. It’s important to be clear about this so there’s no misunderstanding. 

To help you see this situation coming before it even occurs next time around, you can think about later checking these signs that your friend with benefits is falling for you.

4. Lay down your boundaries:

If there’s a possibility you will continue being friends, transitioning from “friends with benefits” to just “friends” can be tricky. That’s why it’s important to be clear about your boundaries going forward. This way, you can rebuild a normal friendship. 

Boundaries can include no teasing, no talking about your shared past relationship, no making any middle-of-the-night calls, and just being respectful overall. Especially if you’ll be dating someone else. 

5. Consider ghosting them:

If you’ve been clear about what you want going forward and you’ve already had a conversation about not wanting to be friends with benefits anymore but they still try to get with you, you should consider ghosting them

In that case, it wouldn’t be disrespectful because you were already honest and you’ve made it clear that you don’t want that kind of relationship anymore. If they overlook that and continuously try to cross the line, ghosting them could be the right thing to do. 

6. Be consistent:

Once you’ve let your friend with benefits know that you don’t want to continue with the “benefits”, be consistent. Don’t reach out for another fun session with them, when it’s late at night and you’ve just gotten home from having drinks with your friends. 

If they reach out to you, say no. Don’t show up at their place with a sexy outfit and if they show up at your place for some sexy time, don’t let them past the door. Patterns are difficult to break, especially at first, but remember why you ended things. 

Conclusion:

Gradually walking away from a friend with benefits is perfectly possible and you can do it without hurting them. You just have to be clear and honest!

It’s a bit of a process going back to just being friends, but as long as they respect your wishes, it shouldn’t be a problem. If it does turn into a problem, you shouldn’t just disappear on them. 

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