Most of us have lied at some point in our lives, whether it’s a white lie to spare someone’s feelings or a more serious deception. But when it comes to relationships, lying is always a bad idea. Not only does it break the trust between you and your partner, but it can also lead to further lies in an attempt to cover up the first one.
Eventually, the web of lies becomes too difficult to untangle, and the relationship ends up collapsing. So if you’re considering lying to your partner, think twice. It’s not worth risking everything you have built together.
But if you’re curious about why people lie in relationships and risk it all, rather than be truthful and stand a chance to be forgiven, then read more!
5 reasons why people lie in relationships:
1- We want to protect our partner’s feelings:
When it comes to relationships, lying can actually be a way of trying to protect our partner’s feelings or even our own. Sometimes we lie because we’re afraid that the truth will disappoint our partner or make them mad, and clearly we don’t want to hurt the person we care about.
People lie in relationships for all sorts of reasons, it’s true. But, the most common cause is this one and namely: to avoid conflict or hurt feelings. Even when we have been horrible or made a monumental mistake, we may still lie and hide it because we want to protect our partner’s feelings. Or, to avoid disappointing them or making them think the worst of us.
However, this can lead to problems down the road if our partner finds out that we’ve been lying to them. It’s important, to be honest with the people we care about, even if it means that we might hurt their feelings in the short term. Ultimately, honesty is the best policy in any relationship.
2-Keep the peace:
In other cases, we might lie in order to keep the peace, or because we’re not ready to deal with the consequences of telling the truth. Whatever the reason, lying is often more complicated than it seems. And while it’s not always the best solution, it sometimes seems necessary in order to maintain a healthy relationship.
It’s often easier to avoid conflict by telling a white lie than it is to have a difficult conversation. For example, if your partner asks if you like their new haircut and you really don’t, it’s much easier to say that it looks great, rather than say your real opinion and have them snap at you. Clearly, though, this is a white lie and very acceptable.
This type of light white lie is not the same as the type of lies we’re mostly referring to in this article; which can be bigger and more sophisticated attempts to hide the truth. However, lying for any reason can lead to resentment over time, as small lies add up eventually.
3- There’s a belief that what a partner doesn’t know doesn’t hurt them:
People sometimes lie in relationships because they believe that what their partner doesn’t know won’t hurt them. This is particularly common when it comes to infidelity.
If a person cheats on their partner, they may rationalize their behavior by not telling by thinking that their partner will never find out. Hence, they think that their partner will stay sheltered and protected from knowing about such a horrible betrayal. This is where some famous sayings come from such as: “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”.
Of course, this type of lie is not gonna shelter your partner from anything. That’s because the truth comes out more often than we think and when it does, it can cause serious damage to the relationship.
4- Create a false sense of security:
Another reason people might lie in relationships is to create a false sense of security. By telling their partner what they want to hear, instead of the truth, they can give them false peace of mind. Obviously, this can be done with good intentions.
However, it can be especially harmful if the lie is about something important, like finances or fidelity. If the truth were to come out, it could cause a lot of harm to the couple. Some people believe that it’s better to just tell little white lies rather than risk alarming their partner, or robbing them of their peace of mind but in reality, it’s often a lot better to just say things as they are.
Whatever the reason, lying is usually detrimental to a relationship and can create mistrust and distance between partners. Indeed, that’s especially true when we lie about something so important; just not to worry our partner. The truth is that they’d rather know about a catastrophic problem if it’s coming their way, to plan and prepare for it, rather than stay in dark about it all.
So if you’re wondering why your partner might be lying to you, consider the possibility that they’re trying to protect you from something they think would worry you a lot. Though their intentions may be good, ultimately dishonesty is not the best foundation for a healthy relationship.
5- Look better and more heroic to their partner:
It’s no secret that we all like to look our best in our relationships. Whether we’re trying to impress a new partner or keep the spark alive with a long-term partner, we want to be seen in the best light possible. And one way we do this is by lying. We lie about our accomplishments, we lie about our feelings, and we lie about our past experiences.
We do it to look amazing, to seem heroic, and to make ourselves into the champion our partner wants and needs us to be. For instance, we may say we’re the one who broke up with a specific ex when it’s not true, and that would be to avoid looking desperate or like we got rejected.
It’s not always intentional; sometimes we’re just afraid of being seen as less than perfect. But whatever the reason, lying is one of the most common ways to damage our relationships. So if you’re looking for ways to improve your life, start by being honest; with yourself and with your partner. It might not always be easy, but it’s always worth it.
What does lying do to a relationship?
In the end, people lie for all sorts of reasons, whether it’s to spare their partner’s feelings or to avoid a difficult conversation. But while a little white lie might seem harmless, it can actually do a lot of damage to a relationship.
For one thing, it erodes trust. Once someone has lied and been caught, it becomes much harder for their partner to believe them, even when they’re telling the truth. In fact, when you lie to your partner, it also creates an invisible barrier between the two of you. Even if they don’t know that you’re lying, they will sense that something is off. And once that trust is broken, it’s very hard to repair.
Not only that but lying can also lead to arguments and resentment. If your partner finds out that you’ve been lying, they may feel hurt and betrayed. They may also start to question everything you say, as explained earlier, which can lead to a lot of suspicions. Lying can fully destroy the relationship as each person tries to figure out whether what the other is saying is true or not.
So, while a little white lie may not seem like a big deal, it can actually do a lot of damage to a relationship. Ultimately, then, honesty really is the best policy when it comes to relationships.
Whatever the reason, lying is typically not a good way to build trust and intimacy in a relationship. Instead, it usually leads to further deception and can even break down the relationship entirely.
If you’re struggling with honesty in your relationship, it might be time to sit down with your partner and have a heart-to-heart about why lying is hurtful and what you can do to start being more truthful with each other.
Over time, those little white lies can snowball into much bigger ones, and before you know it, you’re stuck in a web of your own lies. Not only is this damaging to the relationship, but it can also be incredibly difficult to break free from once it’s started. So next time you’re tempted to lie to your partner remember our 5 steps to stop lying to your partner and apply them to the situation.
Or if you think you’re the one getting lied to, then you can also check this article out instead, regarding how to know when someone is lying through their teeth.