Receiving a false accusation from your spouse is one of the worst feelings. You know that what they’re accusing of is not true, so it’s frustrating, upsetting, and confusing.
Now, there are many reasons why a spouse would accuse us of something we didn’t do. Perhaps they’ve jumped to conclusions, seen something out of context, believed a lie someone else told them, etc.
Whatever the reason may be, handling this kind of situation in your marriage is not always easy. To help you navigate this issue, today we will show you how to deal with false accusations in a marriage.
Steps to deal with false accusations in a marriage:
1- Stay calm:
When we’re accused of something we know we didn’t do, our first instinct is to lose our cool. We get angry at the fact that our spouse could think that in the first place and it’s also upsetting when someone has said something about us that doesn’t paint us in the best light.
Instead of pouncing on your spouse’s throat, take a breath before you reply. You want to know where this is coming from, so it’s not a good idea to start yelling at them or calling them “crazy”. It’s important to have a productive conversation to get to the bottom of what led your spouse to make the false accusation in the first place.
2- Try to understand where your spouse is coming from:
Chances are, your spouse has been holding on to this accusation for a long time. It has festered in their mind until something happened that made them snap and tell you about it. In other words, this false accusation could have come from someone they trust, or maybe they saw something with their own eyes and misinterpreted it. The point is that they have reason to believe that it’s true.
So, talk to them about it. This is another reason why it’s important to keep your cool because you need to ask questions. Such as where is this coming from? Why do you think that? What makes you say that? The point of this is to validate their feelings and understand where they’re coming from so you can explain yourself without confirming their false accusations.
3- Assess your behavior:
Though it’s not your fault that your spouse has trust issues, it’s important to assess your behavior. Sometimes, we don’t realize we’re doing something that could spark suspicion or that can be misinterpreted by our partner. So, take a moment to look back and assess your behavior.
For example, let’s say you’ve been getting home later than usual and you never offer an explanation or you’ve been avoiding your spouse for some reason.
They can’t read your mind, so they might jump to the wrong conclusions based on the way you’ve been acting. If you realize you have been acting strange, you should take responsibility for that and explain what has been going on.
4- Compromise but also set boundaries:
We would never tell you to change who you are for your spouse. That’s not healthy and it’s not reasonable. However, there have to be compromises and boundaries in a healthy relationship. If your spouse has an issue with something, you have to understand where he’s coming from and find a way to compromise while still having your boundaries.
For example, let’s say that your spouse doesn’t like one of your close coworkers. They think that this coworker might like you even though that’s not what you see. It’s perfectly acceptable to stop going out for drinks so often with this coworker, but you should be able to see them outside of work from time to time if that’s really what you want.
Maybe for a coffee instead of a drink. That’s a good compromise but you also have a limit to how far you’re willing to go and how much you’re willing to change to fit your partner’s ideal.
5- Know when to give up:
When your partner makes false accusations over and over no matter what you do, it can take its toll on the relationship. There comes a time when you have to choose between your peace of mind and your relationship. When that time comes, we encourage you to choose yourself.
You can do a lot of things in a relationship, but you can’t work through your partner’s issues for them. If you’ve made all the compromises you thought were necessary and your spouse still finds ways to make false accusations, you can consider couples counseling or therapy as a last-ditch effort. However, if your spouse insists that they’re in the right, you can’t stay with someone who just doesn’t trust you.
Facing false accusations from your spouse can be very difficult to handle.
Though there are things you can do to try and make things better, it’s not always up to you. It’s very difficult to convince someone to trust you when they don’t want to! You can check this article out, in the end, to understand when it’s time to call it quits in a relationship and to consider if that’s an option for you.