Many people make excuses not to get intimate with their partner. Whether it is because they don’t feel it, want to protect their partner’s feelings, or are just not in the mood for it.
Some might try to avoid getting intimate altogether and may even pretend to have fallen asleep quickly. However, others might actually prefer to invent an excuse for not getting intimate in order to get it out of the way quickly without ruining the mood. That’s because they may still want to be able to enjoy another type of quality time with their partner; like watching Netflix together.
Intimacy is not always easy to deny. No matter what your real reason is for not wanting it on that specific day or night, there’s always a chance that you’d hurt your partner’s feelings or tamper with their self-esteem and confidence if you turn them down.
For these reasons we bring you today 5 excuses to allow you to have a little break or a breather without offending your partner or making them feel unwanted.
5 ways to turn intimacy down without offending your partner:
It is hard with the social, cultural, and religious norms that we are swimming in to even talk or discuss intimacy sometimes. It’s just something that we do, without thinking much of or without analyzing it much, or rationalizing it. That’s why your excuses should be short, simple, and quick to sound believable and true.
Indeed, the more you try to talk about why intimacy will not be possible tonight or write an essay about it, the more you run a risk of offending the other person. The more you mention why last time put you off or how yesterday’s try at it didn’t work… the more you’ll be digging a hole for yourself.
Is it a one-time excuse for a common occurrence:
Intimacy is a tricky thing for people to talk about, but we need to learn how to approach it. We should understand how and why our partners can get offended if we make them feel not desired or unwanted by turning them down. It’s important not to let yourself feel guilty about feeling the way you do this as long as it doesn’t become a common occurrence.
In other words, as long as you still feel like doing things on a physical level with your partner and have a desire to do so then you should do it more often than not. If you never feel like doing anything at all with your partner on that level and it all feels like a chore then you should seriously consider talking to them about it.
In this case, you need to see what matters the most for both of you and what you’re in a relationship for, and where to go from there. Feeling guilty or frustrated or unfulfilled in your relationship on any level including the physical one can lead to unhealthy ways of coping.
In the end, if you’re only turning your partner down once in a year or so, then you can use one of the excuses below. Either way, it’s not easy to say “no” to your loved one in the heat of the moment. So make sure you choose the right timing to warn them that that night is out of the question.
5 excuses to say “no” to your partner tonight:
1. I’ve been having a long persistent migraine today.
2. I’m really tired. Let’s do this tomorrow, after a good night of sleep.
3. I am on my period (excuse for women).
4. I have to sleep now or early enough, to wake up early for work.
5. I am having stomach problems, I’ll be jumping to the toilet any minute now.
Bottom line:
Some people might not feel comfortable getting physical with a new partner until they have gotten better at talking about their emotions and trusting in their partner. That’s very different and not what the excuses listed above are for.
This article is only for people that have been in a relationship for a long time or that have been married for years. People who are newly committing to a relationship or are going to get intimate for the first time should be honest about why they’re not ready yet.
They should set their conditions clearly before committing to anything or getting intimate, and they should understand what type of relationship they’ll be forming with the other person. Understanding where you stand in a relationship before getting intimate without someone is very important as it helps things be clear and keep them from getting messy.
In general, people may not feel comfortable being intimate with a partner until they are 100% sure that their feelings are reciprocated, what type of relationship they’re in, and that there is no competition for power or control between them.