The first date is a crucial time for a couple, and it is important that you don’t say something rude or offensive during that time and not even by accident. As your date doesn’t know you well enough at that point, it will be hard for them to keep you around or give you the chance of going on a second date with them if you mess up.
It’s okay to talk about the weather, movies, music, your childhood, or ask them questions that are not too personal or too deep. As a rule of thumb, it is a lot better to talk about your expectations, where you’re at in life, and what type of relationship you’re looking for right now. You can ask them about this type of thing and see if your current wants and needs align.
Just as long as you do so politely and avoid the list of things listed below, then the entire experience will be a beautiful one.
A list of things you shouldn’t say on a first date:
1- Don’t comment on your date’s weight in any way:
As gorgeous and out-of-this-world as some people might look, nobody really knows what insecurities they could be battling. Even the bravest, most confident person can have some hidden insecurities about their weight and appearance.
Mental health issues are real and they’re something you cannot guess just by looking at a person. So while you think you’re giving a compliment on someone’s weight; you could be enabling an eating disorder. And, while you think you’re bringing attention to someone’s unhealthy weight, you could be enabling them to be insecure about it.
Eating disorders are more common than people think. And, many cannot be guessed by looking at a person so be mindful of your words. Also, understand that it is not your place to comment on someone’s weight anyway. Just because they accepted going on a date with you, doesn’t mean they don’t have any boundaries or should take any remarks that come out of your mouth.
2- Don’t discuss (yet) sensitive topics like politics or religion:
The first date is a crucial moment in the relationship. It’s not just about getting to know each other, but also about getting to know what you want from the person you’re dating. However, the first date is not a good time to debate and argue about topics like religion or politics. If you get an idea about your date’s opinions or values regarding these two topics, then it is better not to share yours if they oppose theirs.
If you do, that will send you into a three hours debate where you both might end up irritated and upset. Instead, listen to them, nod and smile then change the topic. If their ideas are a deal-breaker for you then here you go, at least you know their position now. But, don’t be thinking you’re gonna convince someone to change their religious views or political beliefs in one sitting.
Changing someone’s mind about these things is a lifelong journey that you’re better off not dedicating your life to. So sit tight, listen carefully, and if it rubs you the wrong way; just change the topic and decide what to do about it later. This is only a quick solution for the worst scenario case, but what’s normal and should happen is that no political or religious talk should take place during a first date.
When both of you go on more dates and start caring about each other more and developing some type of physical and intellectual attraction, it goes without saying that your views that clash won’t bother you much. They will become secondary and unimportant. At that point, the most you’d do at someone you fell head-over-heels for when they disagree with you about politics is roll your eyes.
On the other hand, if religion matters a lot to any of you then obviously that person would’ve checked the beliefs of their date on that level, before even going on a first date with them.
3- Don’t ask questions about their “body count” or sex life:
The first date is an opportunity for the two people to get to know each other and decide if they are going to continue dating. It can be nerve-wracking, but it’s also an important part of the relationship if there will be any. However, what the first date is not and should never be is an interview about their sex life, past experiences on that level, or how many people they did this and that with.
This type of conversation can be very cheap and make the date lose any decency and every last shred of class that it was gonna have. There’s nothing to dig for there. In fact, most couples never discuss these things anyway as the answers to these questions will never please someone who’s interested in being with you.
You should not care about whatever happened on your date or even your partner’s life before they met you. That was a different chapter and it was “before your time”. Your best bet is to hold them accountable for what they do and how they act starting the moment you two become official but not before.
4- Don’t talk about any of your exes:
When it comes to first dates, a lot of people have a lot of opinions. Some believe that you should talk about your ex, say why you left them, and clarify what your deal-breakers are. Others say you should avoid it. So what is the right thing to do?
Your best bet at this is to always avoid talking about your ex on a first date. It can be awkward and uncomfortable for both parties involved. You can look desperate and like you didn’t fully move on yet. What’s worse is that you could look like you’re looking for a rebound and nobody wants to be that.
You don’t want to come off as bitter or jaded and you don’t want to scare away the person you’re meeting. Instead of talking about your ex, focus on what makes both of you unique and interesting. You can tell them later about your deal-breakers without any mention of past experiences.
5- Watch their body language and act accordingly:
If you bring something up or any random topic that you see your date be weird about, uncomfortable, or uneasy then swiftly change the topic. Be open to reading your date’s body language and be ready to act accordingly.
For instance, if you start talking about your childhood and you see them become very uncomfortable, even if you don’t understand the reason, change the topic. It could be that they had a traumatic childhood themselves or are not ready to open up or overshare why a specific topic is problematic for them.
Remember you’re only on your first date, so you’ll come to learn more about them later and all of their reactions will make more sense. But until then, read their body language and act accordingly.
How long should a first date last, anyway?
It is hard to give a definite answer to this question. The length of the date depends on what both partners want out of it. Some people like to have a very short first date just to test the waters first and see if they get along or clash with the other person. They want to meet, talk, be polite eat, and leave then check if there’s mutual physical attraction and if they click before going on a longer second date.
So always keep in mind that you can leave as soon as you finish eating on a first date, this will give you a sense of security and confidence. Knowing that no matter how bad the date gets, you will always have the option to leave quickly can be a good relief.
If you enjoy your first date and want to see how the other person felt, then you can send them a message like this and proceed with caution! You can also check this article on 5 rules to know that your first date went great!