All couples argue from time to time. It’s perfectly normal to have disagreements, and in fact, it can be healthy to express different points of view. However, some couples seem to argue more than others. Why is this? There are a few possible explanations.
First, couples who are more comfortable with conflict may be more likely to air their grievances and let others in their privacy. This is not healthy and will lead to a toxic environment and no room for growth for the couple. Second, couples who have different personality types may butt heads more often than others. This means that if you’re not compatible with your partner then it can be a recipe for a difficult relationship.
And third, partners who have unresolved issues or personal complexes may find that they keep resurfacing during arguments. Whatever the reason, it’s important to remember that all couples argue occasionally and that it’s how you handle those arguments that really matters. In today’s article, you will see that not arguing at all or arguing less doesn’t mean that the couple is healthy either. So read on!
Is arguing in a relationship unhealthy?
Many would argue that it’s not really about the number of times partners fight in a relationship. It depends on how ugly or extreme the arguments are. If it’s just minor disagreements and it doesn’t involve name-calling, it might be considered healthy.
Partners who never argue might just be afraid to hurt each other’s feelings, but that kind of detachment can lead to resentment too. Couples who never argue may be repressing their true feelings, which can build up over time and lead to unspoken negative feelings. Similarly, couples who never fight may avoid dealing with important issues that need to be addressed.
When disagreement is seen as a negative thing, it can prevent couples from communicating effectively and working through their problems. Ultimately, arguing is not always a bad thing. As long as couples are able to resolve their disagreements in a respectful and constructive way, fighting can actually help to strengthen their relationship.
So it’s important to be able to openly discuss issues, even if it means raising your voice sometimes. At the end of the day, what’s important is that both partners feel heard and respected, even when they don’t see eye to eye.
How often do couples fight in a healthy relationship?
Most people believe that a healthy couple only argues about big life transitions like having kids or buying a house. However, the truth is that on average, healthy couples can argue once a month; more or less.
A healthy couple will not be arguing every other day about every silly detail. That’s because they have learned how to communicate effectively with each other and understand each other’s needs. They also know when it is time to back down and let the other person have their way.
So, if you find yourself arguing with your partner more than once a month, don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal too. Remember that every couple is different. Just try to focus on communicating better and understanding each other’s needs.
Our personal experience as a married couple:
In our couple, personally, we argue at times; but we avoid making a big deal out of silly or unnecessary topics that won’t matter anymore in a week. Along with my spouse, we have an understanding about only ever having a more serious argument when the topic is serious enough.
And even then, we try to never raise our voices a lot, or resort to abusive techniques like name-calling or saying hurtful things in the heat of the moment. Sticking to the topic of the argument at all times is also something we try to do more often.
If you want a few tips to be able to argue less in your couple; then here’s our best advice from experience. Read on and see for yourself.
Tips for couples to argue less:
All couples argue from time to time, but excessive arguing can be damaging to both your relationship and your health. If you’re looking to keep the peace in your relationship, here are a few tips:
1- Avoid hot-button topics:
If there are certain topics that always seem to lead to an argument, try to avoid them altogether. This means you might have to steer clear of certain matters that tend to be controversial or upsetting to one partner.
2- Communicate calmly:
When you do need to discuss a difficult topic, try to do so in a calm and respectful manner. This will help to keep the conversation from spiraling out of control.
3- Take a break:
If things are starting to heat up, it might be helpful to take a break from the discussion and physically walk away from your partner, with the intention of giving them space. This doesn’t mean you should avoid the issue altogether, but taking some time to cool down can prevent an all-out argument.
You can also choose to end the argument over text if the two of you or one of you cannot contain themselves and find themselves getting angry or ready to erupt.
4- Seek counseling:
If you find that you and your partner are arguing more than usual, it might be helpful to seek out counseling from a licensed professional. This can help you learn how to communicate more effectively and resolve conflict in a healthy way.
In the end, if none of these quick tips help, you can read this extended article on how to argue less as a couple, if your couple is suffering a lot from frequent fighting.