Unless You have had professional training in that area not everyone he’s capable of dealing with the insecurities of others.
It can take a toll on you if you are not careful and if you do not act in the right way. However, it’s still possible to help your boyfriend deal with his insecurities on his own and guide or support him during his battle until he finds confidence, bravery and security.
It could help strengthen your bond and lead to a healthy relationship. And, if you’re wondering how you can do that then that’s exactly what we will address here today.
5 steps to help an insecure boyfriend find confidence:
1. Figure out together the origin of his insecurities:
When your boyfriend is feeling insecure about himself or about your relationship, it’s natural for your first reaction to be a defensive one. You feel like you are the one who is responsible for his insecurities or that you’re being indirectly accused of falling short in some department.
Maybe you even think about the cause for such behavior and don’t find any justification and so you feel purposefully attacked or like he is being unfair. That’s why you need to work together on this. Your boyfriend needs to understand that in order to help him you need to figure out what’s the true source of his insecurities. Does he feel that you’re out of his league? Does he feel you deserve better? Is he feeling inadequate? etc.
It could also be that he had a bad experience in a previous relationship. Maybe his ex cheated on him or constantly lied to him and now he thinks that he needs to constantly stay on his guard, just in case you do the same to him. The point is that you should dig enough until you find the answer.
And should his past relationships be the reason, you need to work on making him see that your relationship is different. In fact, demonstrates that nothing indicates that the same will happen. If he’s being insecure because of something that he doesn’t like in your relationship you also need to figure that out and try to reach a compromise where both of you feel safe and loved.
2. Be emotionally supportive:
The Best thing you can do to do with any secure boyfriend is to make him see you as his ally. You need to establish a relationship where you both feel comfortable sharing your feelings regarding all matters of life and different situations.
This way when your boyfriend feels insecure for any reason he will know that he can open up to you, and he will directly talk to you about what is bothering him. This can only be established by creating a safe and trusting environment for communication. So you should use any opportunities you get to show that you can offer great emotional support.
However, you need to keep in mind that you can only do so much. If insecurities stemmed from a bigger problem that can even lead to trauma. So maybe you are not a well-equipped person to deal with such a thing and you should recommend that he sees a professional in this case. Of course, you shouldn’t stop offering your emotional support but try to convince him that it would be more beneficial for him to seek professional help.
3. Remind him that he is an important part of your life:
The reason for your boyfriend to feel insecure doesn’t always have to be complex. Maybe he feels that he’s not getting everything he wants from the relationship. He could be feeling that he is not a priority for you or that the way you show your love for him is not the right one. Perhaps you two have different love languages and yours is not providing him with his necessary dose of affection and appreciation.
There’s no need to panic if this is the case. Your boyfriend merely wants your attention, time, and reassurance, in this scenario. So if you want to try and see if this is truly the reason for his insecurity, try to be more loving, more tactile, and more overwhelmingly caring for a few days. Then see if your boyfriend reacts well to your change of character or if it just causes him to feel suffocated. That will let you know if all he needed was more attention or if it was not what he was missing.
You could also try to improve his self-esteem by spending more quality time together. You could plan to go on dates every week or every other day if you can afford to. Even if you have careers or jobs, evenings are still usually free. So instead of spending them with others make a point to spend every other evening, at least, with him.
If you don’t live together yet make sure that you hear each other’s voices at least once a day. Maybe he finds it harder than you to spend time apart, so this way you can show him that he is a constant presence in your mind.
4. Be aware of your limits:
Dealing with an insecure boyfriend is not easy. Without realizing it, you can find yourself spending too much energy both physically and mentally trying to dissipate your boyfriend’s insecurities.
To avoid this you need to be aware of the fact that only he can improve himself. No matter how much you try, your contribution is limited to offering support and not being responsible for providing him with self-esteem.
Once you’ve established that he can go to you whenever he needs to talk, learn to let him deal with his insecurities by himself. If he needs your help he will ask for it but you shouldn’t always be hovering around him to try to minimize every negative feeling he gets. That will not only deteriorate your mental health but your relationship too.
5. Don’t let his insecurities be an excuse for manipulation:
Sometimes When people feel insecure they tend to control the environment around them to their best ability. They may manipulate and fully control the people that surround them too which can quickly become problematic.
If you start seeing signs that he is trying to manipulate you so he can feel more secure and drain your energy to replenish his, then you should not tolerate this behavior. You will need to put your foot down in the relationship and speak up. Also, you need to clarify that you are there to help him overcome his struggles but you won’t tolerate him trying to interfere with your life negatively and the people in it.