Sometimes we feel that it is impossible to get our point across without putting up a fight. In such situations, dealing with a stubborn or difficult person can not only be draining but also frustrating.
We may think that we are going to waste our time talking to people that are not going to change their minds, but if this is a close relative, life partner, or someone you care about a lot, it may be worth it to learn to communicate and get along with them!
How to get on with a stubborn person?
Sometimes, it may look like there is no way to get through to stubborn people. They are persistent in their arguments and it is better to ignore them and move to another room or space than engage with them.
That’s because the more you will try to talk and explain, the more they’ll be stubborn and use extreme methods like violence or shouting which could damage the relationship more. To deal with stubborn people, you must learn to accept with compassion that they have a problem and respect the time it will take to convince them or talk to them.
These are a few ways that you can try and get your message or point through to a stubborn and difficult person:
1- Use simple and clear language:
When dealing with a difficult or stubborn person, one needs to present his argument in a convincing way and not let the other person get confused. Stubborn people usually have anger management issues and get excited and angry over the silliest thing.
When they have all the blood rushing through their brain and having an anger attack or crisis then it is safe not to stick to using simple language. It is best to use simple phrases instead of long or complicated sentences, in order to get through to them.
One should also avoid using technical jargon that the other person may not be able to translate or understand in the heat of an argument or disagreement. Also, one can explain why one thing is important over another slowly and in a simple way. After that state exactly what it is that you need them to do for you to leave them alone.
2- Help them change:
The reason why some people are very resistant to change is that they don’t take risks. And if they do, it’s only when there is no other alternative. When it comes to communication and persuasion, one of the biggest risk-reward ratios is being able to take the risk and talk to a difficult person to help them change.
When we talk outside of an argument, calm and with logic to a person to alert them about how bad their reactions or behavior is when they get mad, then you may help them self-reflect and change for the better. Even if they are stubborn, dismiss what you’re saying or deny it, they will end up at some point asking themselves if they truly have a problem.
They will become more aware of their actions as time passes and become more in control of themselves. You can also try to refer them later to our article entitled: 4 ways to manage your anger in an argument and how to control negative emotions.
The key thing here is to know how to approach them and how to calmly and slowly open a civilized conversation about their behavioral problems and stubbornness. Don’t come from a blaming position, but from a curious angle and talk about how they can reach their ends faster; by being kind and without ruining relationships or hurting others’ feelings.
3- Be patient with them:
The best trick to get a stubborn or difficult person to cooperate is to be as polite and friendly as possible and to make them realize that you’re being so. Call out their attention to the fact that you can also use anger, name-calling, or whatever ways they’re using but that you “choose” not to consciously to make sure that you don’t erupt in their face, hurt their feelings or damage your relationship.
This can be a wake-up call that may bring them back to reality from their blinding anger or make them act appropriately. Once you are in their good graces, they will follow your lead, or give you more time to explain yourself and talk. At that point be ready to talk with logic, eloquently, and express yourself in a clear and concise manner.
When an interaction or situation is not going well, it is not easy to be patient with stubborn and disrespectful people. Patience is a virtue that can wear out quickly. However, try to remember that they matter to you and that you should give them enough time to tame their emotions as they may not be very good at it. Understand that they may not mean everything they do and say.
Bottom line:
A stubborn person is a person whose attitude and behavior can be difficult to change. Some people argue that stubborn people are born with a “bad gene”. However, there is no such thing and everyone can learn to control their emotions and act in a more open and civilized way with the right help and coach.
If you’re willing to coach someone to become a better version of themselves then you must be ready to go through all the pain and arguments, that come with painful growth and change.