After you ruin a relationship, be it intentionally or unintentionally, it can be tough to move on. You might feel a lot of remorse and guilt over what happened and what could’ve been.
It’s also possible that you find yourself constantly thinking about the person and wondering if things would’ve been different if you had just made different choices and acted differently. But if you’re just tired of this and want to move on then we’re happy to inform you that it can be possible to get over a ruined relationship.
And that’s exactly what this article is for!
A few steps to get over a relationship you ruined:
1. Send them an apology:
Usually, when we apologize for something, we are hoping to be forgiven and restore a broken relationship. But that shouldn’t be the only reason for apologizing to someone. You have come to terms with the fact that there’s no way to save your relationship, and that it is beyond repair.
Also, if you already realized that you were the one at fault did you let your ex know it? Maybe it will help you move on because all you need might be closure.
So try sending a message to your ex, especially if they don’t want to talk to you in person or by phone call. Explain in that message why it took you time to apologize, and how you’re not after anything other than forgiveness.
If you’re not quite sure how to start, you can begin by stating that you take full responsibility for what happened. Then, you can express that you are sorry, but in no way wish to be forgiven and go back with one another.
Explain that your motive behind apologizing is purely to let them know that you take accountability and that you’re sorry. In the end, you can say that you wish them all the happiness in the world and you will try to move on as well.
Don’t write this expecting your ex to reply, they might be too hurt or angry at you to even consider writing you a response. Remember that you are doing this to be able to move on, so if your ex does reply consider it a blessing. Don’t engage in new fights and arguments that will cause more harm than good. Politely thank them for taking the time to read your message in the closing statement and expect nothing more.
2. Forgive yourself:
Just because you were able to take full responsibility for your mistakes and acknowledge the fact that it was you who ruined the relationship, you shouldn’t blame yourself for the rest of your life. The truth is, we are our hardest critics and the negative thoughts we direct at ourselves can cause great damage to our mental health and ability to function normally as human beings.
If you are finding it hard to forgive yourself, one thing you should think about that might help is that, if you let your ex go peacefully they will eventually start forgiving you because they will be happier. Don’t think about what could’ve been had you not made mistakes. Maybe it was meant to be that you wouldn’t be together for the rest of your lives.
Maybe, with the things you learned through your mistakes, you will be in a better relationship in the future, and so will your ex. You can move on, but only if you manage to clear your conscience by forgiving yourself. Remember that one of the biggest signs of not loving yourself could be to blame yourself for every single bad experience in your past. So don’t fall in that trap and treat yourself with love.
3. Surround yourself with people who love you:
It’s normal to isolate yourself when you go through a break-up, especially if you were the one who ruined the relationship. Essentially you are afraid to be judged by your friends and family if you open up about what happened. The truth is, you are only afraid of being judged because you are already judging yourself, sometimes very harshly.
It may surprise you, but other people who love you might have a kinder take on the whole situation. Their main goal will be to support you not add more blame on you. So, talk to your friends and close relatives, and spend quality time with them.
Even if you don’t feel like talking about what happened, it will be good for you to laugh with other people and have fun. This will help you realize that everyone makes mistakes, which means that you can get over this as well and move on with your life.
4. Stop focusing on the ruined relationship:
Keeping yourself busy doesn’t mean finding things to do during all waking hours to prevent you from going through the natural grieving and healing process of a failed relationship.
You need to engage in activities so you don’t obsess over the fact that you ruined your relationship. Don’t let your mind go over and over the fact that if only it were possible to go back in time you would do things differently.
You need to accept that there’s nothing else you can do to change what happened. Focusing your thoughts on new hobbies or other productive activities will break the habit of having these obsessive thoughts.
5. Seek professional help:
We are only human, which means that during hard times it’s normal to ask for help from people who may have better insights than us. If you noticed that you can’t get over the fact that you ruined your relationship and seem to have reached a stagnant point, consider seeking the help of a professional.
Talking to a psychologist will help you see aspects that otherwise you couldn’t have noticed. They have been trained to look at things from a certain perspective that will show you that you can indeed recover from this and move on.
Another great thing about seeking professional help is that they will give you effective tools so you can better deal with your issues.