The truth is that it’s not always possible to keep your parents from getting divorced, especially if it’s not a decision they made overnight. In most cases of divorce, the parents would’ve thought about it a lot and considered it individually a lot before they decided to go ahead with it especially if they have kids.
They probably know very well what they’re doing, and they’ve probably thought about it for a long time in which case it will be very hard to convince them to change their minds about it. And, in this case, their divorce will be an inevitable tragedy that you just can’t change, no matter how much you want. However, sometimes adults can get a little too proud or reckless when they get hurt; which means that they get blinded by their emotions and may take decisions they didn’t think about carefully.
In the heat of a bad argument, spouses may threaten divorce and they may even stick to their promise after their anger has passed. That’s because their pride and dignity will get in the way of what they really want which could be to stay with one another and work more on fixing things. So if you think that your parents’ divorce decision was rushed or that they just took it out of spite; there may be some things you can do to help them come together again! So read on and see what are a few last cards you can play to help your parents settle their differences and hopefully stay together.
5 Things to do to keep your parents from getting divorced:
1. Talk to them together and see if their reasons are strong:
If your parents are thinking about getting a divorce, it’s not the end of the world. Although you can’t necessarily prevent them from going through with it, there are a few things you can do to try and keep them together. And, one of the first things you can do with this goal in mind is to talk to them calmly about why they’re considering getting divorced in the first place.
Talk to them together and see if their reasons are strong. If they’re just arguing all the time, maybe they just need some help communicating or even some time apart to realize each other’s importance and value. Whatever they need the point is that the answer could be something other than divorce and the only way to see how true this is would be by analyzing their reasons for such a decision.
Perhaps they’ve been having problems for a while, and couldn’t communicate efficiently enough to solve them. Who knows they might not even be able to get to one another anymore through simple, calm, and clear communication, and for this reason, they may not even be on the same page. So sit together with them, play the role of a mediator and get them to talk calmly about their reasons and motives behind such a decision.
2. Don’t take sides:
One sure way of keeping your parents from getting divorced is by not taking sides. When they start arguing you can help them stick to the topic of discussion rather than attack one another personally. And, if they somehow find a way to look into each other’s eyes and start talking calmly and without any tension; then do them a favor and leave the room. However, what you don’t want to do is to gang up with one parent one the other, blame one or the other for it all or take sides in any form.
If they accuse one another of bad character or treatment and ask you what you think, just say that you love them both and that you don’t want to get involved or take sides. You might also want to tell them that you love them both with any imperfections or flaws they might have and that they should’ve been able to do the same for one another.
By not taking sides, you’ll be less likely to become a target for their arguments and more likely to stay out of the line of fire. This is always a better option to pick rather than agreeing with one parent and reinforcing their bad thoughts about the other; which will only push them further apart from one another. It will also contribute to damaging your relationship with the parent that you deem in the wrong.
3. Talk to each parent individually to make them see the other one’s qualities:
Another thing you can do is to talk to each parent individually and privately to make them see the other one’s good qualities and good deeds. It’s important to be sweet and light-hearted when you’re doing this. That’s because you don’t want to force them to eat up all the nice thoughts you have about your other parent.
Obviously, they may disagree strongly with such a perspective and be fully focused on the dark side of their spouse at the moment. Plus, no one wants to listen to a lecturing child. So make sure you do it in a smart way and try to open their eyes to all the good qualities they once believed that their then-wonderful spouse had. But, again, do it without being too forward or forceful.
If you somehow succeed to make your parents see the good in each other once more, they’ll be more likely to stay together. Who knows, maybe you’ll even end up saving their marriage!
4. Recommend that they try couples’ therapy for a while before they divorce:
On this website, we fully empathize with children of broken couples. So we know that if your parents are considering getting a divorce, you may be feeling a range of emotions: sadness, anger, confusion, and helplessness. And, while it may feel like there’s nothing you can do to change their minds, especially after you tried the three steps listed above, there is still one thing you can try. The last thing you want to try out before you give up is to convince them to try couples therapy for a while before their divorce decision is final.
Couples therapy can help to identify and address the issues that are causing friction in the relationship. It can also provide a space for couples to communicate openly and work through their differences. If your parents are able to work through their issues in therapy, they may decide that divorce is not the best option for them.
However, even if they still choose to divorce, going through therapy can help to make the process less painful and more constructive for all involved. It’s not like therapy is going to be a waste anyway because it will improve their relationship in any case, and although they may not stay partners they will still co-parent and they’ll need to get along to some extent at least to do it right!
5. Understand that it’s not your fault and accept it:
If you can manage to do all of these things, there’s a good chance your parents will stay together. But even if they don’t, remember that it’s not your fault and that you did everything you could.
If you’ve ever tried to prevent your parents from getting divorced and followed every step listed above, only to have it not work out, then you know how frustrating and heartbreaking it can be. But it’s important to understand that it’s not your decision to make.
Sometimes people just grow apart, and divorce could be for the best. So don’t beat yourself up about it. Just accept that it happened and learn from the experience. It might be for the best, anyway. In the long run, they might be happier apart than together. And who knows, maybe one day they’ll even thank you for your efforts! Just don’t dwell on it too much. Life goes on.