There are many reasons why people overshare on dates. Some people do it because they have a lack of self-confidence and need to impress the other person. Others do it because they are too excited about their own story and want to share it with the world. Or, they might just need a good listener to vent to.
However, there is one thing that most people don’t know about oversharing on dates: It can be a turn-off for some people. The idea of someone sharing too much information with them may make them feel like they are not important enough or they might feel awkward, out of place, and don’t know what to do with the surplus of information.
Reasons to stop oversharing:
1- Oversharing will likely push your date away:
When on a date, oversharing makes the other person more likely to ghost you as they don’t know how to act as you recount a traumatic childhood event, for instance. Well, unless your date is a psychologist, they wouldn’t know how to support and help you, so they might feel weird or out of place.
But, quite frankly when we’re dating, we’re getting to know new people and filter out or eliminate the ones that look too difficult to deal with or like they’re too much maintenance. Nobody wants to invite a constant headache into their lives. So you cannot really blame someone new that you don’t know much yet, for running away and dodging a bullet, by ghosting you after you overshared and told them about all of your life traumas.
2-It hurts your ego:
When you have overshared so much and poured your heart out to anyone who goes on a first or second date with you, then it can be heartbreaking when they don’t reach out after the date.
When someone cuts you off it can be sad, shocking, and even depressing. However, it will be ten times more confusing and devastating when the person who cut you off is someone who you have told about your private issues and matters. You feel betrayed and it’s a big hit to your ego, when despite everything you let them know they didn’t care and have simply blocked your number or cut you off.
It’s easy to overshare on a date, but this can hurt your ego and make you feel insignificant and like you’re not interesting enough. Especially if the person proceeds with choosing not to see you again, despite you having told them about intimate personal worries and problems.
3- It makes you sound self-absorbed:
The person you’re dating will not be able to get a sense of how interested you are in them or what you want to know about them if they don’t have a chance to speak because you’re too busy oversharing. When someone is oversharing on dates, it can be hard for the other person to get a word of their own or about their own self out.
If you’re feeling like you stole all the spotlight from your date by sharing your private matters, take a step back. Then, try asking them questions that reveal more about their personality or interests instead. This will help prevent your date from having feelings of being worthless in your eyes because all you care about is getting your own stories out.
How to stop oversharing when on dates:
As explained, oversharing on dates can be a big turn-off for the person you are dating. It can also lead to awkward situations and conversations that you regret later. It is important to know when to share personal information on dates, and when not to.
Here are some guidelines that will help you avoid or stop oversharing when you already started:
1) Do not share too much about yourself before getting to know the person well. This includes your religious beliefs, political affiliations, and other personal details. You should share only what you feel comfortable sharing with them first.
2) Tell them not to take it personally if you do not want to answer their questions or one of them. If they asked something or started a conversation that triggers the need in you to tell them about a personal and private experience try to change the topic.
3) If you start to feel cornered into spilling the beans about your private matters then take a break and go freshen up in the bathroom, until you re-organize your thoughts and priorities.
4) Don’t talk about something that happened years ago and that’s no longer relevant today. Also, try not to start telling a long personal story that will consume the entire date’s time, easily. Anything that’s too long of a story or that happened years and years back, should not be mentioned during the first few dates.
Bottom line:
Some people do not know when to stop talking about themselves and their lives during the first few dates with someone they may have just met. They may start telling the person their life story or offer too much personal information.
This is not going to make the other person feel comfortable and they might start feeling like they are irrelevant and not being appreciated. So if you just had a first date and you’re not sure if you overshare during it, you can try to check this article to say whether or not it was a success or not.
You can also check this article out on 5 things you don’t talk about on a first date, to make sure that you don’t say anything that’s out of line or that can be considered personal private information.