We can all find it challenging at times to open up and share our innermost thoughts and feelings. Of course, not everyone is worthy of us dishing our juiciest secrets and divulging our deepest heartache. However, most women do have a gal pal or more like “a sister from another mister” that they can share their “tea” with. Unfortunately, men are often conditioned to take on a more stoic guarded nature and to be emotionally guarded and resistant to emotional intimacy.
This article will explore How to win a guarded man’s heart in 5 steps as his partner or his special someone. So if you are that someone special, you can foster empathy and patience, cultivating a supportive environment to help him navigate the path toward letting his walls down.
Where It All Begins:
As we discussed, guardedness in men often starts in childhood when boys are pressured to adhere to and align with social expectations, cultural norms, and modeling by male influences in the family and the media. Boys are expected by society to be strong, independent, and in control of their emotions. These messages and expectations discourage men from a young age to be emotionally expressive and open. These boys then grow into men who struggle to connect emotionally with their partners.
However, this is a generalization, and we must account for individual differences, particularly regarding how long it takes for men to relearn how to embrace vulnerability and authenticity. With the proper support, some men may open up quickly, eager to unburden themselves of pent-up emotions. Other men may take longer to move beyond past traumas, build trust, and get comfortable with self-expression. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to help your big burly bear turn into more of a cuddly teddy.
How to help a guarded man open up?
1. Creating a Safe Space:
The first, most crucial step to encouraging a guarded man to open up is building trust. Trust is the foundation of any healthy, thriving relationship. Whether romantic, platonic, or familial, our intimate relationships should represent a safe space to be ourselves and express our emotions. Keep in mind that you probably have more practice opening up than your hunny. Patience, support, understanding, and respect for his boundaries are essential during this stage.
Don’t pry; let him share what he chooses when ready. Don’t speak over him or cut him off. Don’t tell your girls what he has shared during your intimate conversations. Most importantly, no matter how frustrated you may get, never use what he has shared with you against him.
A supportive, safe space is essential for helping your guarded guy open up, and what not to do is just as important as what to do; Allow him to feel heard by practicing active listening, validating his emotions, offering reassurance, asking thoughtful questions without grilling him, and showing heaps of empathy. Remember, even if it may seem trivial, egregious, suspicious, or laughable to you, it is essential to try to understand his feelings from his perspective.
2. Encourage Introspection:
If you seek more emotional intimacy, it may feel counterproductive to encourage your guy to cultivate alone time for self-reflection. However, the best way for you guarded man to get used to letting emotion flow between the two of you is for him to get comfortable diving deep within his own emotional waters. Without lecturing him, encourage him to explore his thoughts and feelings on his own.
Discuss different means of emotional exploration with him, such as journalling, therapy, mediation, and mindfulness. You may want to buy him a journal or send him links for short, guided meditations, offering a little gentle motivation to embark on a journey of self-awareness.
3. The Role of Professional Help:
As your guy starts diving deeper into his emotions, he may encounter choppy waters. It is important to remind him that there is no weakness in seeking the help of a therapist, life coach, or spiritual counselor; In fact, doing so takes great strength! Everyone can benefit from therapy or coaching at some point in their lives or throughout life.
Remember, you are his loving life partner, not a professional. Professionals are better equipped to provide him with the tools and coping strategies to let down his walls and be more emotionally available in your relationship.
4. Practice Makes Perfect:
Your guarded man may seem like a tough cookie; however, pushing him too hard or rushing him to let down his guard could have the opposite effect, creating greater resistance and triggering him to raise his walls higher. Be patient! Learning to embrace emotional vulnerability takes practice, and practice takes time. Understand that each person has to heal, grow, and open up at their own pace, whatever pace they feel comfortable. He may not be trying to ice you out; he may need a little more time to warm up. Your patience will reap great relational rewards.
And The Walls Come Tumbling Down:
Emotional vulnerability is founded on unconditional love and trust. Unconditional love and trust are two of the greatest gifts you and your partner can share. However, it takes time to build a solid relational foundation and personal courage to feel safe and secure enough to lay yourself emotionally bare. This safe and secure space can only be lovingly built over time in a way that prioritizes personal boundaries, one’s individual pace, unwavering support, and non-judgmental acceptance.
As the saying goes, the best thing comes to those who wait, and nothing could be more accurate in this instance. If you ever grow frustrated or feel your patience waning, remember the healthy, wholesome, enduring relationship that may be awaiting you on the other side of your partner’s emotional walls.
Your man’s guardedness may look like mountainous walls at first, foreboding and insurmountable. Instead, try to look at your partner’s heart as a long-awaited present that is carefully wrapped and topped with a bow, and think about how fulfilling and delightful it will be to open up that extra special gift meant just for you!