There are four stages of a love triangle or emotional affairs: denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance. Reconciliation is the last stage where people who have gone through a love triangle or emotional affair need to process what has happened and build new relationships with their former lovers.
In order to reconcile in the most healthy way, these four steps are important:
1) Make peace with yourself and open up about your feelings 2) Make amends with your ex 3) Build new relationships based on trust and respect 4) Accept any opportunities that come your way regardless of your feelings towards them.
However, if one of the other will hold a grudge and never forgive, then it is better to part ways. If you decide what you have should not be lost and that the infidelity was a once-in-a-lifetime moment of weakness that will not occur again, then you can always try to help your couple recover.
These are more details steps you should try to get over this hard time and find peace and balance again with your former partner:
1) Understand their feelings:
We all go through difficult times in our lives, but how do you reconcile after an extramarital affair?
The first step is understanding that the other person will likely have a different view of the situation than you. You can try to communicate with them and listen to their perspective. There are also resources for couples who are going through this tough time.
One of the most difficult things to do when people are angry is to listen to them. But listening is a crucial step in helping people calm down and work through their feelings. By doing this, you can help them understand your perspective and emotions and reach a better understanding.
2) Understand the reason or trigger for the infidelity:
Understanding the reason or cause behind the infidelity can be a great indicator of whether it’s forgivable or not.
For example; if this is a case of an emotional affair then it is important to understand that the connection, love, and chemistry in the couple may have not been enough anymore for the cheater. In this case, this could happen again in the future simply because it’s easy for that person to form new emotional connections and be attracted to different people every once in a while.
On the other hand, if the infidelity was caused because of sexual desires and an urge to explore new and different experiences on that level. Then again, this means that the person may not be content with their sex life as a couple and seek more outside of it. In the future, again this will happen because it’s in that person’s nature to like trying or having new sexual partners.
It is important to understand that forgiving them will never guarantee or stop the cheating from happening again. Whatever triggered them to cheat may trigger them again in the future.
3) Face the feelings of shame and guilt:
It is hard to reconcile after an extramarital affair because it brings a lot of emotions and questions that the person wants to have answered. The best way to heal and move on is by being honest, taking responsibility for your actions, and working through the pain and guilt.
As we come out of the dark days of shame, we can start to see how things are better now than they were before. We can start seeing what went wrong with our relationship and make sure to not let it happen again.
Shame can be felt by both the cheater and the one that was cheated on!
4) Agree that it’s better to break up than cheat:
While there are many ways to reconcile after an affair, it is best to let the other person know what happened in a clear and concise way. And, also let them make an informed decision about whether they’d like to give a second chance or leave.
There are many cases that people consider cheating, but only some actually represent an extramarital affair. There are also numerous ways to approach this situation from both perspectives.
While separation or divorce may not be the most common option for reconciling after an extramarital affair, it is certainly not the last resort. However, it is important to make it crystal clear that both of you agree that breaking up is better than cheating.
In other words, before one even cheats it is better that they face their partner and confront them about what they’re lacking and how they may need more. If it is fixable then the couple may work on it, if not they may break up before the cheating ever happens and that could stop many consequences and mental health problems from developing for both the cheater and the cheated on.
5) Resort to couples therapy:
Therapists use a technique called “reconciliation therapy.” Reconciliation therapy can be used by couples that have been experiencing an affair in their relationship or those wondering how to reconcile after an extramarital affair.
One of the ways that therapists use reconciliation therapy to help couples heal from infidelity is by having the wife/husband share their thoughts and feelings they had while they were involved in an extramarital affair. This can be done through drawing or writing and can then be turned into something tangible, like a collage, painting, poem, or song.
Some people may feel more hurt as they find out details of what the cheater went through while having an affair but it is always better for them to know and be informed than to close off their minds.
If you decide to leave after having been cheated on:
There are a lot of ways to reconcile with someone after they cheat on you, but sometimes these methods aren’t enough. So if you feel the need to break up and walk away from a cheater or someone who broke your heart, then go ahead and do that.
If you feel you were not valued, respected, appreciated, or loved and that you deserve better then you’re right. Here are a few steps you can take to move on quickly after such a betrayal and an ugly break-up:
1) Accept that the affair happened and that they have betrayed you 2) Talk about what happened 3) Figure out what caused the cheating 4) Address any underlying issues 5) Get support 6) Set healthy boundaries 7) set a No contact rule 8) Move on 9) Consider getting professional help from family and friends 10) Consider seeing a therapist.
If you decide to stay after you’ve been cheated on:
Cheating is a difficult thing to face. It goes against society’s perceptions of love and relationships. Despite the fact that it’s taboo, there are some instances where cheating can lead to reconciliation.
Use these six steps as a guide to help you formulate your own plan of action if you decide to stay:
-Identify what you want and if you can have it with an ex-cheater
-Be honest with yourself about your feelings
-List the pros and cons of staying or leaving the relationship
-Think about what you would like your partner to do
-Discuss with your partner how they feel about the situation
-Start new conversations and get back in touch again
Bottom line:
It’s not easy to reconcile after an affair. There is a lot of guilt and pain that comes with it and most people would do anything they can to avoid the pain. However, there are people who are capable of getting over it and learn to love again.
It takes time for both partners to get over their emotional scars and come back together again. But once the healing process has started, there is little doubt that life would be a lot more joyful. As long as you work on yourself; both emotionally and spiritually, you can overcome your past mistakes and move on with your life.
It is worth mentioning that couples rarely end up in a post-affair relationship that works better than the pre-affair one. Or a situation where their relationship after the affair looks a lot better than before. But, in rare cases, they learn from each other, grow together, and fall back in love with one another. This is especially true if they work together on reconciling after a brief separation, the right way.