There’s no guarantee that you’ll get to know someone very well just because you go on a lot of dates with them. Sometimes, people put on a front or want to make good first impressions which will delay getting to know their true selves and personality. In this case, it can take weeks or even months of dating before you really start to learn about someone’s true character.
Other times, if the few conditions in this article apply, then you might feel like you know everything there is to know about someone after just a few dates. It all depends on the situation and the relationship between the two people involved and how the two of you are approaching things.
So, what are the conditions that you should make sure exist, in order to help get to know someone better faster, when you’re dating them? And, how can you help them get to know you better too, to see if the two of you are really compatible?
How to get to know someone when dating?
1. Having good communication:
It would be great if people possessed mind-reading skills when they are dating, but since that’s not possible, the next best thing is having good communication. You’ve probably heard that good communication is the secret to a long-lasting and healthy relationship, but have you considered applying it to dating?
The truth is that communication is important in a relationship because each side is aware of the needs that should be met for each other to feel happy. When dating this is important because you need to know the person to establish a relationship with them.
Think about it, you just met this person and everything that interests you in them is likely very superficial. That may be alright at first, but if you want to deepen that connection you will need to make an effort to communicate.
By communicating your interests, your strengths or weaknesses, and also by creating a safe space for the other person to share their feelings you will get to know each other better. However, it’s important to not overshare too much right on the first date, since it can be unnecessarily overwhelming.
2. Timing is important:
As much as we would like to erase our past dating history and begin with a clean slate with the new person we are seeing, that’s not possible most of the time.
Our past relationships leave marks on us, which sometimes can affect things when we move on with someone else. Also, because we are so focused on our problems we can forget that this may be the case for the person we are seeing too.
It can be too soon for one of you to start dating again, either because one of you just got out of a toxic relationship or got recently divorced, for example. It may be hard to have this conversation, but before your relationship gets serious, you both must be sure that you are emotionally available.
Time is precious, and neither of you will want to waste the other one’s time. If one of you is not ready to date, don’t force it, that time should be used to heal and not going out with people who are indeed ready to date.
3. Find a balance between your expectations and reality:
We all have our fantasies and love picturing scenarios where they come true with a perfect imaginary partner for us. That can be useful to some extent. You’ve established that you know what you want in a life partner, so you won’t lose time going on dates with people that you are sure are not compatible with you.
However, the perfect person doesn’t exist due to the very simple fact that being human means that we have flaws, which is okay since many times we learn from our mistakes.
Having this in mind, you should still look for someone who matches the personality of your ideal partner, but you need to be more forgiving should the person you’re dating show non-toxic flaws. Remember that, you’re not perfect either and the person you’re dating is also looking past your flaws to make the relationship work.
4. Be honest:
If you want your dates to go well, you need to be honest and expect honesty from the other person too. You need to be able to express real thoughts and your true feelings to build trust between each other.
By doing this you start feeling that you know the person you’re dating more each time you are with them. Instinctively, you will start to let your guard down because you begin to trust that person.
It’s important that the other person can feel that they trust you too. Don’t withhold important information about you or your life, even if you find it embarrassing. If you omit things that play a big role in defining you as a person; the other person will not be able to trust you.
For instance, if you omit to mention that you’re a mother when you are, or that you’re divorced or a widow; then it can be very disappointing. When the person you’re dating finds out later through someone else or by themselves they may experience a feeling of betrayal.
Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. It’s what helps us create a connection and form stronger bonds. Without it, both you and the person you’re dating will be living a half-lie.