It’s confusing and baffling when someone gets mad at you for something they did. It doesn’t make any sense. They should be the guilty ones, not you. But sometimes people lash out because they feel guilty, even though it’s not your fault.
Maybe they’re taking their frustration out on you because they can’t deal with their own guilt. Or maybe they’re just plain insane. Who knows.
To help you better understand this type of craziness, we will go in this article through different reasons why someone would get mad at you when they’re the ones who faulted. Also, we will clarify what you need to do in this situation to bring them back to their senses.
Reasons why someone would get mad at you for something they did:
1- They’re ashamed of themselves:
There could be a few reasons why someone might get mad at you for something they did. Maybe they weren’t thinking straight when they did it and they’re now realizing how it could have caused a catastrophe.
So they’re mad at themselves but don’t want to admit how silly, unintelligent or ridiculous thy were to have made that choice in the first place. So instead, they turn to you and leash out!
In this case, try to find compassion in your heart and understand that a person like this is so disappointed in themselves. In fact, they are so ashamed and hurt by having done what they do that they will look for any distraction not to face the truth. And, that distraction could be fighting you over anything.
2- They’re trying to avoid taking responsibility for what they did:
Sometimes people can get mad at you for something they did themselves. It’s usually because they’re in denial or they’re ashamed and they know they did something wrong but don’t want to own it. They might be guilty and be really mad at themselves, so they take it out on you instead of owning up to their mistakes.
They might also be mad at you because they cannot admit they did something wrong and they need someone else to blame. They could also be embarrassed or ashamed of their actions and lash out in an attempt to deflect responsibility.
So it is crucial to see that the fact that they’re so angry and frustrated could simply mean that they don’t want to believe that they have caused such a misfortune and horrible outcome. They’re not looking for a way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions because they’re horrible people. They’re just trying to avoid taking responsibility for whatever they did because it actually hurt them to realize and admit that they made that mistake.
That’s why they may become defensive when confronted with the truth. Whatever the reason, it’s important to stay calm and try to see things from their perspective. Only then will you be able to resolve the situation in a constructive way.
3- They’re scared that you will judge them for their poor decision or choice:
One reason why they could be attacking you when they’re the ones who made the mistake or bad choice is that we tend to be more critical of others than we are of ourselves. We’re quick to judge them for their poor decision or choice, but when we look back at our own past behavior, we’re more likely to cut ourselves some slack.
Not only that but we also tend to worry about having others corner us and blame us for our mistakes. It can be very harsh to admit that we have made a terrible choice, especially if we have been warned about it and didn’t listen.
In fact, when we see someone else witness or watch us make the mistake we made, it triggers feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. We’re reminded of our own inadequacies and failures, and so we realize that this other person could judge us, blame us, or even just think bad of us. So we lash out as a way of deflecting those feelings onto the other person.
4- They want to show their strength of character as a coping mechanism:
If someone gets mad at you for something they did, it might also be because they want to show their strength of character and they do that as a coping mechanism.
They want to scream, shout and be very mean because they unconsciously want to show you how assertive and aggressive they can be and stop you from blaming them or confronting them about their mistake. So they could be angry with themselves and take it out on you as a way to avoid dealing with the real issue. There’s nothing worse than being punished or confronted about a mistake that we already regret deeply.
So sometimes by being rude and mean the person that made the mistake is trying to warn you indirectly not to try and confront them with it. This means they already feel bad and terrible for it, so they’re trying to show that to you unconsciously in their reaction so that you don’t see the need to add on to it by blaming and confronting them more.
5- They are mad that you didn’t stop them from making that mistake:
Ultimately, getting mad at someone else for something we did is a way of protecting ourselves from feelings of vulnerability, guilt, and regret.
Rather than face up to our own shortcomings, we project them onto others and then get angry with them for being present and not having tried harder to stop us from making that choice.
It’s much easier to lash out and blame someone else for not having stopped us from making a mistake than it is to face up to what we’ve done wrong and take responsibility for our actions. However, this kind of behavior only makes the situation worse.
Not only does it damage our relationships, but it also stops us from learning and growing as individuals. If we can learn to deal with our mistakes in a more constructive way, we’ll be much better off in the long run.
What to do when someone gets mad at you for something they did?
1- Stand up for yourself:
When someone blames you for something they did, it’s not fair to have them take their anger out on you and you shouldn’t just sit there and take it. You can try to stand up for yourself and not tolerate this situation.
However, it’s best not to answer anger with anger. So maybe try to talk to them about why they’re upset and see if there’s anything you can do to help make the situation better. But, do this while forcing them to respect you whenever they start being out of line. Learn to put your foot down in the relationship and be assertive.
If they continue to lash out at you, then it might be best to distance yourself from them until they’ve had time to cool down. Above all, you should not make them believe that you’re okay with becoming their punching bag.
2- Stay calm and collected:
In any case, it’s important to try to stay calm and not take the bait when someone gets mad at you for something they did. Try to calmly talk to them about what happened and why you think they’re in the wrong.
Hopefully, they’ll see reason and apologize. If not, then maybe it’s time to distance yourself from that person rather than get in a heated argument with them.
All you can do is try to stay calm and rational, and hope that they’ll come to their senses eventually. If not, then maybe it’s time to physically walk away from the situation. Life’s too short to deal with this kind of unacceptable behavior.
3- Be kind and understanding:
Yes, it’s important to try and stay calm and understanding, especially if the person in question is someone that you care a lot about. Plus, this person is likely going through a tough time and could use your support.
Explain to them that you’re there for them and offer to help in any way you can. Thank them for being in control of their emotions despite their anger and let them know that you understand how they’re feeling. Then, see if there’s anything you can do together to resolve the situation.