If you have been having a sense of regret because you are doubting whether the woman you married was the right choice, don’t panic. Having doubts about the people we marry after the wedding and not before, is one of the most confusing and heartwrenching feelings ever. And it has happened to many people, not just you.
However, it’s also easy to quickly assume that you married the wrong person at the sight of the first marital problem or argument. So you have to make sure first that you’re actually regretful of your choice before you jump to conclusions, and only then can you take action.
Is it possible to marry the wrong person? Yes, not all divorces mean that the people were wrong for each other sometimes the relationship would’ve simply run its course. But, in quick-to-happen divorces where the marriage didn’t even last a year, it is safe to say that both people involved married the wrong person.
What to do if you married the wrong person?
1) Take notes of what you feel through longer period of times:
It can be very easy to jump to conclusions. As soon as you go through a rough patch with your spouse, you may quickly assume that your marriage was a mistake. It’s not that easy to know for sure that you regret having married that woman because relationships have their highs and lows.
But, if even during the good times of your relationship you still feel something is amiss, then you can start thinking that maybe you married the wrong person.
In the end, it takes a process to finally reach that conclusion and it involves acknowledging and assessing the different things you feel every day. It can be useful to keep a journal where you write down how you feel every day in your marriage.
With time, this will help you see the bigger picture and know for sure if you married the wrong woman or not. But, make sure she doesn’t find that journal and bring the marriage to an end prematurely herself.
2) Assess if you dislike your routine or if you regret the marriage:
You may be mixing things up and in reality, you are unhappy with the kind of life you both lead and your current situation rather than being unhappy about who your partner is. When we feel unhappy and can’t see the reason for such a thing, it’s very easy to blame those who are the closest to us instead of taking responsibility, and that’s what might be happening to you.
It would be helpful if you brought the subject up with your wife. Maybe she is happy with how things are and she didn’t notice you weren’t. But you need to remember that just because your wife is not complaining doesn’t mean that you need to suffer in silence.
Before jumping to conclusions, try to be honest with her. Tell her what you would like to be different in your life and ask for her help. She will likely put all her efforts to make you happy because since she didn’t complain about anything then she probably will be interested in saving the marriage.
3) Seek a professional’s opinion:
Sometimes, when you are having problems in your relationship it can be helpful when a stranger gives a neutral opinion. When you are having second thoughts about the woman you married it’s normal for you to be guided by your emotions.
If you talk about your issues with someone who is not going to side with you purposefully or with her and that’s probably someone who doesn’t know any of you then you can hear an objective opinion.
If you don’t feel comfortable discussing this with family members or friends that you know won’t be taking sides then talk with a marriage counselor. They are a professional who has specialized in marital problems and are used to help with any kind of problem, so believe that your issues won’t bring anything new or extraordinarily insane to the table.
Seeking help from a professional is nothing to be ashamed of it there’s a chance to make your relationship stronger.
4) Maybe you aren’t getting everything you need from the relationship:
Have you considered that you think you married the wrong woman, not because you don’t love her but because you are not getting everything you need from the relationship? This is not a cause to panic. You are two different people who may still be getting to know each other, and most likely will keep finding new interesting things about each other for the rest of your lives.
What you must take into account is that you both may have different love languages, therefore, you need to feel love and attention differently. Perhaps you found how to respond to your wife’s love language but she didn’t find out how to respond to yours yet, leaving you with unmet needs unintentionally.
To fix this, you need to think about what your love language is and how you would like your wife to show love and affection to you. This is why you will have to tell her that and explain why it is so important to you for her to take the time to listen and investigate to find out what things you like and appreciate so she can act accordingly. If your spouse refuses to try your love language then she will be at fault. But, for now, if she still never realized that this was happening then she cannot be blamed.
A healthy marriage is about finding a good balance between both of your needs and the key to that is communication. Remind each other what they need to do so both of you always feel loved and accepted in the marriage.