One of the hardest things about being in a long-distance relationship is deciding who is going to move. You have to take into account a lot of different factors, like jobs, school, and family. Often, one person will have to make a big sacrifice in order to be with the person they love.
If you’re struggling to make this decision, it’s important to sit down and really think about what’s important to you both and for which one of you it will make more sense to take such a step.
What is each one of you willing to give up in order to be with your partner? Once you’ve answered that question, and followed the steps listed below; you’ll be one step closer to making the right decision for your relationship.
Which partner should move in a long-distance relationship?
1. Analyze each other’s needs:
Long-distance relationships are always hard, but some factors can make them even harder. Most of those factors relate to the needs of both parties. These needs can be regarding how much love and affection you both need to receive from one another or even the time you feel you need to be together so that your relationship stays strong.
It’s also normal for one of the people in the relationship to be needier than the other, and as long as that doesn’t translate to codependency it’s completely normal. So, if you are the neediest partner in the relationship it would be more natural for you to move so you can join your partner.
The reason for this is because your priorities are slightly different and you attribute a lot of value to the time you spend together so your relationship stays healthy. This doesn’t means that your partner loves you less, if that’s the case. It just means that the one of you two who has more of a need for companionship and reassurance will be more willing to make the jump than the other and with less hesitation.
2. Who can easily adapt to a new geographical location?
If your top priority is to be together then your relationship has a bigger chance of lasting, you will have to discuss the practical terms. If both of you are willing to move a little closer, you will need to have in mind what the implications of moving to a different location mean for each one of you.
The point is not for you two to jump from long-distance to living under the same roof overnight. You can start by making compromises by choosing to move a bit closer from each partner’s side.
If one of you has a job that allows them to work from anywhere in the world, that’s a big advantage already. However, if one of you has a stable and good career and knows that it can be risky to relocate, that’s something you both will have to talk about.
Many times, it happens that both sides already created roots where they live, therefore, moving to a different place is not always easy. But if you are set on being together you will need to figure out which one of you will be easier to relocate. It can sound tricky, but if you are willing to make this relationship work, sacrifices must inevitably be made.
3. Which one of you lives in a nicer and more comfortable neighborhood?
If you and your partner are trying to figure out a way to be together without having to keep your relationship long-distance, it’s because you see a future together.
Even if it’s left untold, it is safe at this point to assume that both of you are serious about the relationship to a great extent and see the other one as a potential life partner. Maybe, moving closer would even help turn your relationship into something more.
But to best do that, you will need to choose where it would make more sense to move to. For instance, if one of you lives in New York and the other in the calm countryside but you both prefer a calm and slow way of living in nature and fresh air; then it would make more sense to consider moving to the countryside rather than to new york.
However, in the same scenario if the person living in New York is at the peak of their career and has plans of making money and saving during this stage of their life then it will make more sense to move together there instead. And, if both of you like the countryside you can still decide to move together back again after some years.
The point is that if you are in a long-distance relationship, you will probably have two options narrowed down. And, all that’s left is choosing the one that will be best suited for both of you.
It could be helpful to make a list of the pros and cons for each place. Things like wanting to have kids one day and buying a house must be contemplated because you will need a good network of support from family members and friends wherever you choose to settle permanently.
Again, if progressing in your career is a priority, that should also be taken into account, since one area might present more options than the other.
4. The level of commitment is important:
Despite being hard, long-distance relationships can work. However, people who are in long-distance relationships get used to their circumstances and don’t strive to change them. And, sooner or later a break-up occurs and you would’ve only ever had a long-distance relationship because you didn’t actively try to bring yourselves closer to one another nor did you really put much thought into any of it.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that all long-distance relationships where it’s not clear whether or not the couple can be together soon are doomed. It just means that the more committed you are the more you will want to change your situation. Clearly, people move at different paces and, sometimes, one of you might feel ready to take the next step before the other.
This is why you need to make sure you’re on the same page and that you both know just how much the relationship means to the other partner. If none of you does anything to change the situation, it’s likely your relationship will stay the same. If you see that your partner got too comfortable with the routine of your relationship, you should be the one to take the next step and arrange for both of you to live in the same area, if not together.
You need to have in mind that a lack of motivation and a lack of commitment are not the same thing. Just because your partner didn’t find the inner strength to change things doesn’t mean they aren’t committed to the relationship.
5. Do things gradually:
To help your relationship stop being long-distance you will have to change many things in your life. Moving to another place, being away from your family and friends, and possibly not being able to easily finding a new job are all things that can take a toll on you. So if you are experiencing a lot of stress when relocating, it can also take a toll on the relationship.
That’s why you will need to take care of your mental health and make all the necessary changes gradually. Not only will you have to first get used to seeing your partner every day, but you should be ready to welcome a change in your relationship dynamics. You should also make sure you have the same need for space from one another, to make sure things don’t get suffocating and overwhelming too quickly.
If you can start by spending a couple of weeks with your partner and increase that time gradually with every trip, it can be great. So do that until you are sure you will be able to make a successful transition.